tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33811663493812370472024-03-19T03:47:41.499-05:00Milk JunkiesBreastfeeding and parenting from a transgender perspective.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger98125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-47499383852300234232018-06-26T12:07:00.001-05:002018-06-26T12:07:46.476-05:00Breastfeeding/Chestfeeding and Gradual Weaning: A Snapshot in Time
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Waaaaaaa! I need uppy [being picked up] and nursing!<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBWcgsaXMCJw-YFQmdOb167IWxRumaJvdSW4XWM7Z9Isn5RXDZ7_UkQ13ZRlwIXyyVUbIJDchi57DDdCU59Ph7NvL5Ka-eBFlpFFgnqEW3w0ZNaaSlZLTX8BldWVA6m4pqBHPfzuLPpWI/s1600/Pants.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="592" data-original-width="642" height="184" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBWcgsaXMCJw-YFQmdOb167IWxRumaJvdSW4XWM7Z9Isn5RXDZ7_UkQ13ZRlwIXyyVUbIJDchi57DDdCU59Ph7NvL5Ka-eBFlpFFgnqEW3w0ZNaaSlZLTX8BldWVA6m4pqBHPfzuLPpWI/s200/Pants.tiff" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Purple fleece pants</td></tr>
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<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Ugh, I have to get the seven-year-old ready for school. I think you might be
verrrrry hungry since you haven't eaten breakfast yet. Here, have a peach.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her:
Oh yeah! SO hungry. [Sigh. Eats peach.]<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>Ten minutes later.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her:
Waaaaaaaa! I need uppy and nursing!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me:
Ugh. I was planning to try to do stuff, and things. So many things. Oh, I know
what it is. You're super hot in those fleece-lined winter pants you picked out.
How about we help you find something cooler to wear?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her:
Oh, yeah! I'm SO hot!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i>After
changing clothes.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her:
I need uppy and nursing!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: To deal with the aftermath of having felt so hot.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Her. Yeah.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span style="color: #1d2129; font-family: "inherit","serif"; font-size: 10.5pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: [Sigh] Ok. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment--><br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com205tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-7804994168279829982017-05-14T14:55:00.000-05:002017-05-14T17:18:48.545-05:00Jenna's Breastfeeding Journey: Trans Motherhood<style id="dynCom" type="text/css"><!-- --></style>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb9NEzlIgSx2Zaq0ok5kvf5mS_UoRC92tDvgk63o0eXftkFNnKEKbR9CflUbByNv8pSxudfmuJLh00SNsiR7SuiDCh-wI_mN30RK0H4YE7pZoIqwggNSYpP7HkgqBJPSy8dQd0-hGo5wc/s1600/4921907621_50268b1195_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb9NEzlIgSx2Zaq0ok5kvf5mS_UoRC92tDvgk63o0eXftkFNnKEKbR9CflUbByNv8pSxudfmuJLh00SNsiR7SuiDCh-wI_mN30RK0H4YE7pZoIqwggNSYpP7HkgqBJPSy8dQd0-hGo5wc/s400/4921907621_50268b1195_b.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image: Mother in a purple shirt holding a baby over her shoulder. <a href="https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0/legalcode" target="_blank">Quinn Dombrowski, Flickr Creative Commons.</a></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;"></span><span lang="EN-US"></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Yes,
trans women can breastfeed! I wrote about this before, when <a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/2013/05/trans-women-and-breastfeeding-personal.html" target="_blank">I interviewed </a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" style="mso-comment-date: 20170508T1537; mso-comment-reference: TK_1;">Sarah* </a></span></i><a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/2013/05/trans-women-and-breastfeeding-personal.html" target="_blank"><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"></span></span></a><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/null" id="_anchor_1" name="_msoanchor_1"></a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/2013/05/trans-women-and-breastfeeding-personal.html" target="_blank"> about her personal experience</a>. In another post, <a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/2013/07/trans-women-and-breastfeeding-health.html" target="_blank">I talked to health care providers</a> Dr. Jack Newman,
Marylynne Biener, IBCLC, and Diana West, IBCLC, about what we know so far when
it comes to trans
women and breastfeeding</span></i><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3381166349381237047#_msocom_2" id="_anchor_2" name="_msoanchor_2"></a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">. </span></i>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Continuing
on with this series of posts, I recently interviewed another trans woman, Jenna.
She talked to me about her experiences with breastfeeding and raising her two
children, whom we’ll call S and A, with her partner, E. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">I’m
so grateful to Jenna for sharing her story on this blog. I believe it is deeply
important to tell these stories so that others in the trans community who might
be dreaming of being parents one day can access this information and know that
they are not alone. Thank you, Jenna!</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Banking Gametes</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Seven years ago, Jenna knew she might
someday want to have kids that were genetically related to her. She chose to
store her genetic material before she began taking estrogen as part of her
transition. I asked her if she had any tips about banking gametes.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jenna: Think about where you’re going to
store your sperm in terms of where you might eventually want to use it for
insemination. I didn’t do the research. It
wouldn’t have been very hard for me to reach out and ask lesbian parents –
which clinics are the good clinics, where did you conceive your child? Instead
I went by location and I just went to the closest sperm bank to my apartment at
the time. It turned out that we picked one of the worst sperm banks in our city
in terms of being queer-friendly. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When we tried to use the sperm we thought,
well, it’s already there, we might as well use this clinic, but we had some
really bad experiences. In the end, we packed up our sperm in liquid nitrogen and
moved it to another clinic. It
was a big difference, and it all started with where I chose to store my sperm.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Jenna
explained that the first clinic she and her partner used was very
male-dominated. Doctors and staff seemed uncomfortable with transgender people
in general, and they misgendered Jenna. A doctor doing an insemination procedure for Jenna’s
partner, E, didn’t make eye contact beforehand, and left the patient with the
light on and equipment still between her legs when he exited the room
afterwards. </span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">At the new clinic, there
was a greater diversity of clients, more female staff, and a more
respectful attitude on the part of the doctors.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Why Breastfeed?</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jenna: I always thought breastfeeding was
an important connection to have with a child. Because I couldn’t carry the
child, I thought it was going to be the next best thing. I’d seen many people
have that connection through nursing. That felt like something I needed to do. I
knew it was possible for trans women to breastfeed, but I didn’t know much
about how to do it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Preparing for
Breastfeeding</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Midwife
Alanna Kibbe referred Jenna and E to the Newman Breastfeeding Clinic in Toronto
to learn about inducing lactation and breastfeeding. She had referred
transmasculine clients there in the past and knew the clinic was welcoming of
LGBT families.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jenna: My timeline was that I’d been on
estrogen therapy for 14 months before I had bottom surgery. I had my operation
and stopped producing testosterone, and then our first baby was born three
months later. It was a whirlwind. I received my papers for my legal change of
sex only weeks after our baby was born. I’m technically her father, and there’s no way
the government will change that. So I’m legally our first child’s father, and
our second child’s mother. </span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Anyway, when I induced lactation, I was not
producing testosterone. They put me on a <a href="https://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/protocols4print.shtml" target="_blank">protocol similar to adoptive mothers</a>,
which seems so obvious, but it wasn’t obvious to most other providers I’d
talked to. It’s really not that big of a deal. It’s the same thing that other
non-gestational mothers – cisgender females – would do to induce lactation</span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3381166349381237047#_msocom_6" id="_anchor_6" name="_msoanchor_6"></a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">About two months before the birth, I was
put on high doses of progesterone in the form of birth control pills. Then I
stopped taking the progesterone three weeks before the birth, and I began
pumping. I pumped about three times a day, although I was supposed to do more
than that according to the protocol for inducing lactation. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Jenna
explained that her endocrinologist had prescribed only estrogen for her at the
time of her transition, not progesterone. Her progesterone was prescribed later
by the lactation professionals. Similar to Sarah*, the other trans woman I
interviewed with regard to breastfeeding, Jenna wonders if the common regime of
estrogen-only for trans women is an over-simplification of the endocrine system.
She suspects there may be health benefits to taking progesterone, outside of
lactation.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Breastfeeding the
New Baby – Sharing Breastfeeding and Managing the Milk Supply</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Since
Jenna’s partner was giving birth and planning to breastfeed, the couple needed
to coordinate breastfeeding together. Milk production works on the principle of
supply and demand, meaning that as milk is removed from the body, the body
receives the signal to produce more milk. If less milk is removed than what the
baby is consuming (for example, if the baby is being given supplemental bottles
or if another parent is breastfeeding the baby), then milk production will
likely decrease. I asked Jenna how she and her partner worked with this.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jenna: I didn’t produce a lot of milk. I
knew from the pumping. I’d get a few tablespoons, or maybe an ounce at a time. But
I was able to nurse. I nursed my baby for about six weeks. Lactation
consultants were worried about how my nursing might affect my partner’s supply,
but it turned out that my partner had <a href="http://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/fast-letdown/" style="mso-comment-date: 20170508T1657; mso-comment-reference: TK_7;" target="_blank">an oversupply of milk</a></span><a href="http://kellymom.com/bf/got-milk/supply-worries/fast-letdown/" target="_blank"><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span></a><span lang="EN-US">. So it didn’t play much of a role in her nursing experience. I was
producing pretty small quantities so for a while it felt more like I was a
human pacifier than actually giving many nutrients to this baby. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We joked that the baby would drink all four
boobs – she’d go through all four of them and still be hungry, or still appear
hungry. It was convenient for both of us to be able to nurse. In the birth
centre, the day she was born, I nursed her in the rocking chair while E was
getting stitched up from the birth, which was a pretty nice co-parenting
experience. My partner was able to let go of the baby and know that she was <a href="http://www.lllc.ca/category/faq-categories/skin-skin-contact" target="_blank">getting the skin-to-skin time</a> </span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">and the nursing and everything while she had to get stitched up,
which is a relatively common occurrence after birth. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We were both working a lot that summer on
our farming business. So I would nurse the baby but E would still nurse every two
hours. On a half-day shift, I’d bring the baby to E so she could nurse her, but
then I’d also nurse her in the off hours as well.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My nursing experience was really tainted by
the fact that my partner produced so very much milk. I feel like it would have
been a different experience if we’d had twins or if my partner had a low
milk supply, and if there was more of a need for my milk. It was a lot of work
to maintain my milk supply. I wasn’t getting up and pumping in the night. I was
nursing sometimes in the night, but not as regularly as E was, and E had milk
literally pouring out of her. And it was like, well, I’m enjoying the
experience, and I feel like I had the experience for the first six weeks, but
it didn’t seem like it was going to be a long-term viable situation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Latching
Challenges</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jenna: I found it difficult to latch her because I
have quite small breasts, and quite small nipples. I was always doing <a href="http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/lv/lvfebmar04p3.html" target="_blank">the sandwich technique</a> </span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">and I was restricted to quite precise nursing positions. Whereas, E
could lie on her side and the baby would nurse from her, and E really didn’t
have to hold on to one of her breasts and pinch it to get a good latch. The
only position that worked for me was sitting in a chair with one arm grasping
the back of the baby’s head and neck and my other hand pinching my boob. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I think it would have been different if I
had more tissue there. My breasts have grown significantly in the last year. It
took me four to five years of hormone therapy until I felt like I saw some
significant breast growth, which isn’t too big of a surprise. But I think all
trans women want it to happen in the first month, the first year.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">For
me (Trevor), as a transmasculine person who had chest surgery before my
children were born, I can relate to Jenna’s challenges with latching. I’ve
never been able to nurse comfortably while lying on my side, even after six
years of nursing babies. As my babies grew bigger and stronger, I eventually no
longer had to <a href="http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/lv/lvfebmar04p3.html" target="_blank">make a </a><a href="http://www.llli.org/llleaderweb/lv/lvfebmar04p3.html" style="mso-comment-date: 20170508T1705; mso-comment-reference: TK_10;" target="_blank">“sandwich” </a></span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">for them to latch, but I continue to need to hunch over a bit so
that my chest tissue isn’t too taut. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Baby Number Two</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">I
asked Jenna if she nursed her second baby as well.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jenna: Almost not at all. She latched on
one night when I was alone with her during a crying fit, and it really hurt.
Because of my partner’s milk supply and with A being born at the height of farming season, it didn’t
make much sense to nurse. I didn’t want to do the work. Even though I loved the
experience with my first and I’ll cherish that forever, it wasn’t totally the
experience I was looking for. Again, I think it was because of my partner’s
over-production, and her strong desire to nurse, as well. It didn’t make much
sense for me to change my hormone therapy, to spend the time pumping. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the end, E didn’t take much maternity
leave at all, and I spent most of the winter with the baby after farming season
was over. I was on parental leave for nine months. Even now that she’s a toddler,
and I’m still the one that’s here for her every night and every morning. I’m
developing a different connection. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s rare that I spend a night away from these kids, which is good and
bad. I’m hoping as they get older, it’ll be easier to get away from them a bit
more. It’s clear that S really doesn’t like it when I’m not here. When she
comes home from daycare and I’m not here, she doesn’t like it. That’s the
connection I’m enjoying with her, and that I have with our second child, A, too.
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I’m an important person in A’s life even if
I don’t nurse. We have our battles on the nights when E’s not here, but I put A
to sleep every night. That was one of my biggest fears before I had children. I
saw so many heterosexual couples where the male father couldn’t even get their
kids to sleep at night. And I saw these mothers that were totally overwhelmed </span><span lang="EN-US">because they could never
get a night away from their children because nobody else could put them to
sleep. In our family, it’s really me, I’m the one that puts my baby to
sleep every night, even though I don’t nurse. That’s really important for me. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The birthing parent in our case is the one
that works outside the home and is more career-driven. Clearly she still has
this other bond with the toddler that I don’t have, in terms of the comfort
that is sought out from nursing. I can see when she wants to nurse, and I can
replace it pretty well with a bottle of breast milk. We’re trying to slowly
wean our toddler, especially at night, so I try to use the milk from the
freezer sparingly. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Learning from the
Experience</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">I wondered
if Jenna had any advice for other trans women who would like to breastfeed.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jenna: You have to prepare. A trans woman
has to prepare for breastfeeding when gestation starts, when the partner or
surrogate becomes pregnant. You need to give yourself those nine months. Before
pregnancy begins, you have to know about the hormonal protocol and know when
you’re going to start it. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And it’s a lot of work. It’s not easy. I
don’t want to take away from cisgender women’s experiences, but sometimes for
cis women, breastfeeding seems easy. I know that’s not true for all cis women,
but for many, milk production is this natural thing that happens without extra
effort. For trans women, you have to put in some effort to make it happen. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Another tip would be to get a good electric
breast pump! And to pay for the little attachment that holds the breast pump to
your breasts so that you can have your hands free.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">Confronting a Myth</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Jenna: I came up against this idea from
lactation consultants that the birthing parent’s milk is the best milk and that
co-nursing might have negative impacts on the baby or on the birthing mother.
This came out quite obviously in a prenatal course at the birth centre, when
the lactation consultant there made a stern comment towards our situation. She
presented this idea that the birthing parent’s milk is formulated specifically
for the baby. That’s not untrue, but in contrast, the opinion we received at
the Newman clinic was that a diversity of milk would actually be beneficial to
the baby. Yes, the birthing parent’s milk is great for the baby, but that
doesn’t mean other milk isn’t beneficial as well. Of course, I liked the latter
opinion the best. I think the “mother’s milk is best” type attitude was more
about discomfort with co-nursing and maybe discomfort with a trans woman
nursing, but it was scapegoated onto the baby’s health. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Scientists
do know that breast milk changes in terms of its fat, protein, carbohydrate,
and antibody content as a baby matures, and even over the course of a feeding, or from one feeding to another. However, we don’t know for sure how all
that happens. One theory is that the breastfeeding parent receives <a href="https://www.sciencenews.org/blog/growth-curve/backwash-nursing-babies-may-trigger-infection-fighters" target="_blank">biofeedback from thebaby’s saliva through their nipples</a></span></i><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3381166349381237047#_msocom_12" id="_anchor_12" name="_msoanchor_12"></a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"></span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">. If the baby is fighting off an infection, the parent’s body reacts
by producing specific antibodies in the milk to help. If this theory is correct,
then surely a trans woman who didn’t give birth to her baby would still receive
this biofeedback through saliva while nursing. If two mothers co-nurse their
baby, the baby would benefit from a greater diversity of antibodies.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">The <a href="http://www.who.int/elena/titles/donormilk_infants/en/" target="_blank">World HealthOrganization states that the best milk</a> for a baby </span></i><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"></span></span></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">is its <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">own</b> mother’s milk,
or if that is not available then milk from another mother, and if donor milk is
also unavailable, then formula. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Jenna is her baby’s <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">own</b> mother. A transgender mother is her baby’s mother and I believe she
produces her baby’s best milk if she’s breastfeeding. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span lang="EN-US">** If you’re a trans woman willing to share
your own story about breastfeeding, please contact me at milkjunkies (at) ymail
(dot) com. </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"><i><b>Did
you find this post helpful? This blog is not supported by ads, so please consider making a donation using the button on
the side.</b></i></span></span></span></span> </span></i></div>
<div style="mso-element: comment-list;">
<hr align="left" class="msocomoff" size="1" width="33%" />
<div style="mso-element: comment;">
<div class="msocomtxt" id="_com_1">
<span style="mso-comment-author: "Trevor Kirczenow";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_1"></a></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></i><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
</div>
<div style="mso-element: comment;">
<div class="msocomtxt" id="_com_10">
</div>
</div>
<div style="mso-element: comment;">
<div class="msocomtxt" id="_com_11">
<span style="mso-comment-author: "Trevor Kirczenow";"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_msocom_11"></a></span>
<br />
<div class="MsoCommentText">
<br /></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com545tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-86975256212262130582017-05-01T21:20:00.000-05:002017-05-02T08:15:40.346-05:00Successful Sleep Training: One Parent’s Guide<style>
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<h3>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span lang="EN-US" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSH0CGKPKDtsCZ5I_JJmjUDntPHb7ysqs6PLDLOrMMh4WNPbVV4Zg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="Bed" border="0" class="irc_mut i4qfph4KOMIw-HwpH6ZlgJaI" height="133" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSH0CGKPKDtsCZ5I_JJmjUDntPHb7ysqs6PLDLOrMMh4WNPbVV4Zg" style="margin-top: 0px;" title="" width="200" /></a><span style="font-weight: normal;">The first night that my little one
slept in his own room, he went down without any crying and he stayed on his own
all night long! He did the same thing the next night. It was a miracle, the
details of which I must share.</span></span></span></h3>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">Sleep is really important to me, as a
parent and as a human being. I’ve noticed that when I don’t get enough sleep, I
have less patience for my kids (and others) and I feel generally irritable. I’m
a better parent when I’ve had a decent amount of sleep.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">So how did the magic happen? What did we
do?</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">Sleep training for us happened in two
parts.</span></span></span></span></div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Sleeping at night without
nursing (night weaning).<span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span></span></span></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: Cambria; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;"><span style="font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-language-override: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-synthesis: weight style; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US">Sleeping in his own room.</span></span></span></span></li>
</ul>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">I’ve seen posts about infants crying so
hard they vomited and parents who said it was “worth it” to “teach” the baby
how to sleep. From what I can glean, the idea is to teach them that no one is going to pick them up so
they might as well stop crying and get used to being on their own all night.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">My experience was different.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">Our kid slept in our bed with us from birth. When he cried, I nursed him. At times when that didn’t work, I’d pick him
up and walk him up and down the stairs or even down the street until I got him back
to sleep. Then we’d go back to bed together. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">When our second baby was born, the first
kiddo had to learn to wait to have his nighttime needs taken care of. That was the
beginning of night weaning for him. If he cried, he often woke up the newborn,
which meant I’d have to nurse <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">her</i>
before I could help him get back to sleep. He started to understand, and got
pretty good at waiting patiently. Soon enough, he started to fall back to sleep
while I was still settling the newborn. Then he started sleeping through the
night without waking up to nurse or cuddle at all. He was about four years old.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">For the next few years, we all slept
together on our king-sized bed.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">Something big changed for our son when he
turned six. He seemed to have an instant developmental leap and was
suddenly much more mature. He went from fighting constantly with his sister as
if he, too, were a toddler, to rolling his eyes and exchanging knowing glances
with me if little sister was having a particularly toddleresque moment. </span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">It also became apparent that child #1
needed a space to keep his own things. The toddler tried to scribble in his
workbook and ripped apart his carefully-made projects. We began talking with our son about having his own room with some shelving and drawers for his
favourite books and toys. He was thrilled!</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">Great, we thought. But would he want to
sleep in it? I knew I was ready to no longer be kicked at night by a
six-year-old, but how would he feel sleeping alone? </span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">He was excited!</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">My partner took the kids for an adventure
to Ikea where they tried out all the kid mattresses by jumping on them. Our son
chose the springiest one, with cheerful red sheets to go on it. We set it up at
home with a nightlight. At bedtime, my partner read him a book and told him a story, as per
usual, and the kid fell asleep.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">It is truly brilliant to witness a child
doing something for the first time <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">exactly
when they are ready for it.</i> You get to see their interest and curiosity, as
well as the joy and confidence that come from figuring it all out. My child felt proud.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">When my son was an infant, friends told me
that I had to "teach" him how to sleep or he’d “never learn”, that he’d be in our
bed “forever.” Six years might seem like a long time, but a six-year-old child
is still a little kid. And that’s okay by me.</span></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">For more information about sleeping safely with a nursing baby or child, check out <a href="http://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/196504/sweet-sleep-by-la-leche-league-international-diane-wiessinger--diana-west--linda-j-smith--teresa-pitman/9780345518477/" target="_blank"><i>Sweet Sleep: Nighttime and Naptime Strategies for the Breastfeeding Family</i> by La Leche League International, Diana West, Diane Wiessinger, Linda J. Smith, and Teresa Pitman. </a></span></span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I bet I can guess a question that might have popped into your head, though, if you read this far:</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>How do you have intimate time with your partner if you're co-sleeping with kids?</i></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The kids go to sleep a while before we do, and our home has more than one room. So we hang out elsewhere, sometimes sitting on the downstairs couch, chatting (but more likely looking at our respective Facebook feeds, "liking" each other's posts)<i>. </i>Or... you know. When we are ready to sleep, we join the kids in bed.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span lang="EN-US"><i><b>Did you find this post helpful or entertaining? This blog is not ad-supported, so please consider making a donation using the button on the side.</b></i></span></span></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com172tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-5365741307902317742017-04-13T19:55:00.000-05:002017-04-13T19:55:40.228-05:00Trevor’s diverse library for kids<style>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOjsTZTR87WqKUXwXOOUzAl5sBWfu7udghvHyMhGIwwmuh8of8C1qvLCr1HgnpP__Qe_4U0YKTd7nTU3A-0r7igqshDv8YPD8gIJbsUg7f8jIGp2Ky9SoRrvtZMWoZg5bXSjRyCOw63i0/s1600/IMG_8753.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOjsTZTR87WqKUXwXOOUzAl5sBWfu7udghvHyMhGIwwmuh8of8C1qvLCr1HgnpP__Qe_4U0YKTd7nTU3A-0r7igqshDv8YPD8gIJbsUg7f8jIGp2Ky9SoRrvtZMWoZg5bXSjRyCOw63i0/s320/IMG_8753.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">The popular children’s song by <a href="http://www.raffinews.com/" target="_blank">Raffi</a>,
called “Like Me And You” is supposed to be about how we’re all alike. For years
it has irritated me to no end. My family loves Raffi, particularly his song, “Baby
Beluga”, but Raffi doesn’t love us. He shows no sign of ever having considered
a family like ours. “Like Me And You” names children from countries around the
world, saying “Each one is much like another / The child of a <b>mother</b> and a
<b>father</b>”. </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When my son was about two years old and we
listened to the song for the first time, we paused after that lyric to explain
that Raffi forgot our family. And then we proceeded to sing loudly on each
repetition, “The child of a <b>DADA</b> and a <b>PAPA</b>”.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It’s important for children who belong to
marginalized or underrepresented communities to have access to books and other media with
characters that are like them and their families. I’m a transgender guy in a
gay relationship, and I want my kids to read books that include two-mom or two-dad
families, or characters who express their gender as non-binary or trans. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I also desperately want my kids’ friends
who come from typical mom-and-dad families to see families like mine reflected
in the literature they read. Kids notice everything. All our kids will notice
if every single book they read is about a family with a mom and a dad, and they
will naturally extrapolate that families like mine, which are not in the books,
are lesser than, <i>not worth featuring.</i></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The same goes for race, ethnicity, culture,
and (dis)ability. Kids notice skin colour, whether parents like it or not. If
all the good guys on TV are white, and the bad guys are Black, kids will absorb
that and it will become part of their worldview.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I need my able-bodied, neurotypical white
kids with blue eyes and blond hair to access books that feature main characters
including those in wheelchairs, or who are nonverbal, who are indigenous and
people of colour. This is one of my most important parenting jobs in my journey
to raise decent, anti-racist (simply non-racist is not good enough) human
beings. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Today I’m writing in celebration of my
little collection of diverse children’s books, magazines, and music. I have
built it thoughtfully over the last few years. It is by no means exhaustive but
I do feel that each work on this list is valuable in its own right as a piece
of literature and art, as well as including and centering marginalized voices.
Sometimes it can be hard to tell from a glance online whether a “diverse” book
is truly as diverse as it claims, or even if the story, writing, and
illustrations are decent. I hope that sharing some of the legwork I’ve done
will be helpful to others.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Do
you have favourite diverse kids’ books not on this list? Please mention them in
the comments!</span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Indigenous </span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US">All the books on this list have
indigenous authors. (Yes, white people are still publishing books about
indigenous people written by white people. Beware of those.)</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>Sometimes I Feel
Like a Fox</i> by Danielle Daniel</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Ages 2 and up</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">This book is dedicated “to the thousands of
Métis and Aboriginal children who grew up never knowing their totem animal.”
Each page spread depicts a different totem animal in the Anishinaabe tradition
and describes the animal’s character. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My toddler, like many her age, loves
animals. “Fox Book”, as she calls it, was her first true favourite book. My
6-year-old gets a lot out of the rich, descriptive vocabulary, including words
like, “confident”, “purposeful”, “delicate,” and “intuitive.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>My Heart Fills
With Happiness</i> by Monique Gray Smith, illustrations by Julie Flett</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Singing, drumming, baking bannock, and
holding hands are among the beautiful (and easy to sound out!) activities that
“fill my heart with happiness.” My toddler loves it and my six-year-old is
capable of reading it to her. Win/win. Illustrations show kids who indigenous
children will notice look like themselves.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>Indigenous
Dwellings of Canada: A Colouring Book</i> published by <a href="https://mfnerc.org/" target="_blank">Manitoba First Nations Education Resource Centre</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This booklet states it may be copied for
educational, non-commercial purposes with appropriate credit given to the
publisher, so you can order a copy and share with friends. Each page spread
depicts a different indigenous dwelling and includes a written explanation of
the dwelling’s features. We’ve read it and looked at it at length with our
six-year-old because there is so much to explore, but he hasn’t coloured in it
yet. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>The Raven and the
Loon</i> by Rachel and Sean Qitsualik-Tinsley, illustrated by Kim Smith</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">An Inuit story told by Inuit story-tellers.
A toddler can begin to grasp the narrative through the bright pictures and
direct emotional language, but there’s plenty going on to keep my six-year-old
interested.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>The Thundermaker</i>
written and illustrated by Alan Syliboy</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Most amazing illustrations ever! The artist
lives in Millbrook First Nation in Nova Scotia, and draws inspiration from the
Mi’kmaw petroglyph tradition as well as mixed-media work. In this story, Little
Thunder learns about the importance of making thunder for his people, and makes
some dramatic mistakes along the way. The simple sentences are packed with
action, like throwing around thunderbolts, holes that open up to swallow
monsters, and animals and objects that change form.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>The Rainbow
Serpent</i> by Dick Roughsey</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I picked up this book at an airport in
Australia. It was the only book in the store about an aboriginal story that
wasn’t written by some white guy descended from colonizers. Despite being
published by an imprint of HarperCollins, it has a few obvious typos.
Nevertheless, my six-year-old and I LOVE this book. It tells an exciting story,
in Aboriginal tradition of Australia, about how the land was formed into the
hills and mountains of today, and how some people turned into different species
of animals. The narrative explains that since animal species originated from humans,
we must always protect them; these animals came from us and are our relatives.
This offers a way of understanding the human relationship to the environment
that contrasts sharply with assumptions inherent in capitalist,
Christian-dominated society.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Missing Nimama</span></i> by Melanie Florence, Illustrated by Francois Thisdale</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Parents need to pre-read this one before
deciding if it is appropriate for their kid. The story is about a child whose
mother is missing, like far too many missing and murdered aboriginal women in
Canada. The narrative shifts perspective subtly between the child, the missing
mother, and the grandmother in a way that will probably be confusing for most
kids under age eight or so. I hand this book (and a tissue) to most adults who
come to visit us. It’s a hard, sad read that we absolutely must read to bring
awareness to the crisis of missing and murdered aboriginal women. This book
reminds us that these women have families – they are daughters, sisters, and
mothers who are deeply missed.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<i>
</i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">When the Rain
Sings: Poems by Young Native Americans </span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">edited by Lee Francis</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The poems in this collection, published in
1999, were written by Native kids ages 7 to 17. These young poets tackle a wide
range of topics from sunshine, sunset, and raindrops to missing family members,
changing or lost culture, and police. A photograph accompanies each poem
(examples include a traditional cradleboard, a camp scene from 1890, and
dancers in 2006). One direct and brutally honest poem by a 17-year-old begins
with, “My name belongs to a dead white woman. How it got down to me?” The poet
goes on to describe the meaning of her aboriginal name, Spotted Feather.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 16.0pt;">LGBT </span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>Daddy, Papa and
Me</i>, by Leslea Newman, Illustrated by Carol Thompson</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Daddy, Papa, and Me are a Caucasian,
two-dad family that have a busy day full of activities. By the end of it, Daddy
and Papa are exhausted. This board book has decent rhymes and is suitable for
babies, toddlers or kids learning to read and sound out simple words.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>And Tango Makes
Three</i>, by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell, Illustrated by Henry Cole</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Based on a true story about two male
penguins that hatched an egg and raised a chick together at a zoo in Central
Park, New York City. The illustrations are beautiful, and the story is
interesting and informative. The human families depicted visiting the zoo are
ethnically diverse. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><i>What Makes a Baby</i>,
by Cory Silverberg, Illustrated by Fiona Smyth</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We relied heavily on this book to explain
the creation of baby number two to our first child. Silverberg explains about
the uterus, sperm, and eggs, but doesn’t connect them to genders or “mommy” and
“daddy.” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">What Makes a Baby</i> works for
everyone, including folks who make their families using assisted reproductive
technology or surrogacy, as well as lesbian couples and transgender men who
carry a pregnancy. The narrative also explains both vaginal (“through a part of
the boy that most people call the vagina”) and surgical births.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My only (slight) complaint has to do with
consent and medical procedures. One sentence in the book reads, “Sometimes a
midwife or a doctor will be the one to say it is time for the baby to be born.”
Ideally, I’d prefer a more nuanced phrasing that includes some mention of the
parent whose body is doing the gestating and birthing. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>Rainbow Train</i> (CD) by <a href="https://www.chanarothman.com/" target="_blank">Chana Rothman</a></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The music on this album is of such decent
quality that the professional musicians in our household can mostly tolerate
the fact that the toddler insists on listening to it on repeat in the car (for
months now). Musical styles include hip-hop, pop, folk, and disco. For those
who need to know, the pitch and rhythm are excellent and phrasing is capable. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The songs celebrate gender diversity and
also provide kids with some words to deal with dogma they might encounter. For
example, a kid on one track explains that, “there’s no such thing as boy
colours or girl colours.” Songs also mention historical figures who challenged
norms and changed our society.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We’ve been listening to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rainbow Train</i> for a few years, and the
kids get more and more out of it as they mature. Both my kids thought for a
LONG time that the lyric “gender, gender gender, put it in a blender” was all
about blending up some ginger. I recently explained to the six-year-old that
the lyric is, in fact, GENDER, and we talked about the difference between
gender and sex.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">(Dis)Ability</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: large;"><span lang="EN-US"><i>Gina’s Wheels</i>, by Mary Harelkin Bishop</span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><i>Gina’s Wheels</i> addresses disability
explicitly. As in, the whole book is entirely focused on disability, which is
okay-ish, though I ought to hunt around for some books that simply include
disabled characters being who they are.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Gina, an able-bodied young girl with orange
hair, becomes fascinated with wheelchairs after meeting the Paralympian Colette
Bourgonje. We learn about Colette’s injury and her tremendous athletic
achievements, which, again, is okay-ish. However, I need to find some stories
with disabled characters that aren’t all about achieving physical prowess
despite disability (<a href="http://athletesfirst.ca/2013/01/22/disabling-discourses-the-supercrip-in-advertising/" target="_blank">known as the disabled hero, or “supercrip” narrative</a>).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">When Gina goes to kindergarten and meets a
classmate in a wheelchair, she is ready to be friends. D’aww. The classroom
includes a girl wearing a hijab and a Black boy, but they don’t say words or
have roles in the narrative. All the main characters are Caucasian.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span lang="EN-US">Hmmm.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Books that fit
into more than one category!!!</span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">What?! What will we do? </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Yes, it’s true. There are some books that
celebrate a wonderful range of diversity on more than one level. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Everywhere Babies</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">, by Susan Meyers, illustrated by Marla Frazee</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This sweet board book is lovely for babies,
toddlers, kids who are learning to read, and those expecting new siblings. The
text highlights all the different ways that babies are loved and cared for by
their families and caregivers. The illustrations include two mom and two dad
families, grandparent caregivers, teenage caregivers, and male caregivers in
addition to the more common mom-and-dad family unit. There are depictions of
Asian, Brown, Black (some with natural African hairstyles), and Caucasian
children and families. One of my favourite pages describes the many ways babies
are fed, including pictures of breastfeeding, bottlefeeding, cup feeding, spoon
feeding, and beginning solid foods (along with giant messes!).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Under the Love Umbrella</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> by Davina Bell, Illustrated by Allison Colpoys</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is a story about feeling connected to
our loved ones, when we are excited, scared, shy, hesitant, tired, or even
apart. No matter where you are, you’re always under your loved one’s “love
umbrella”. The illustrations are bright and detailed. The main characters
depicted include people of colour and a two-mom family.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;">KAZOO</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Magazine</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This is sold as a “magazine for girls age 5
to 10”, but we all need to get it for our boys, too. My boy needs to see
representations of strong, intelligent, creative, powerful women just as much
as my girl does. If we’re ever going to improve on our patriarchal rape
culture, surely we must educate our boys.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I LOVE this mag. It comes out 4 times per
year and includes stories, poems, articles, word puzzles, colouring, and lots
of suggested activities. Every item in the magazine is girl or woman-focused.
For instance, January’s issue was all about building stuff, and included an
interview with a female engineer. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The editor’s approach is obviously
intersectional, and care is taken to include women from typically
underrepresented groups. In the last issue we received, a story featured a girl
in a wheelchair as a main character. Unlike <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gina’s
Wheels</i>, disability was not the focus of the story, but was incorporated
into the narrative. As readers, we got a sense of how disability made the
girl’s lived experience different from the world of able-bodied folks – without
making her into a rarified hero or a pitiful dependent. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Fair warning to parents: My 6-year-old
needs plenty of help in reading this mag and trying out the various projects.
There’s lots to discuss and not much that he can do alone at his age. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><i><b>Did you find this post helpful or entertaining? Please consider donating to Trevor's blog using the button on the side.</b></i> </span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com209tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-21246223251094960262017-04-05T03:33:00.001-05:002017-04-05T03:33:54.801-05:00Parenting Survival: When My Toddler Can't Sleep<div data-contents="true">
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="endgm" data-offset-key="bogt6-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="bogt6-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="bogt6-0-0"><span data-text="true">The Toddler was up at 2am so we went out to listen for frogs. Unfortunately, the frogs in the ditch seemed to be fast asleep. We settled for waking up all the animals in the barn. We got the rooster crowing nicely and the goats got up to pee and poop. Then we turned off the barn light and went out again, leaving them all wide awake. None of it woke the frogs.</span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="endgm" data-offset-key="3th82-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="3th82-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="3th82-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="endgm" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true">Inside the house, we cooked plantain because the Toddler was famished. </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true">Toddler: Friends X and Y were here, but not right now.</span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true">Me: No, not right now. You know why?</span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true">Toddler: X and Y are sleeping!</span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true">Me: YES!!!</span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true">Smiles and cuddles. Yawn.</span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true"> </span></span></div>
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="32jpg-0-0"><span data-text="true">ALL this started because Toddler woke up wanting to nurse and in my groggy state I didn't notice that the damn <a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/2012/10/using-at-chest-supplementer.html" target="_blank">supplementer tube</a> was pulled out of the water and not working, which led to much screaming. Not your average breastfeeding problems, yet somehow I am certain every parent has been there done that in some similar fashion. </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="endgm" data-offset-key="49c3g-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="49c3g-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="49c3g-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="endgm" data-offset-key="2lb8-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="2lb8-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="2lb8-0-0"><span data-text="true">Now she has nursed back to sleep and is using my belly for her pillow. </span></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="endgm" data-offset-key="dnb3n-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="dnb3n-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="dnb3n-0-0"><br data-text="true" /></span></div>
</div>
<div class="" data-block="true" data-editor="endgm" data-offset-key="7itfv-0-0">
<div class="_1mf _1mj" data-offset-key="7itfv-0-0">
<span data-offset-key="7itfv-0-0"><span data-text="true">Supplementer? Toddler? Yes. After relying on it heavily when she was an infant, we just have not been able to shed the tube. It is part of our nursing relationship, even though the "supplement" is water. She is about the best hydrated kid I know, and I suspect the water is alright for her teeth, too. </span></span></div>
</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com57tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-71715582535550493382016-09-27T22:19:00.001-05:002016-09-27T22:19:08.789-05:00La Leche League Celebrations!
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">2016 is La Leche League’s 60<sup>th</sup>
anniversary, so this worldwide breastfeeding support organization is having
some big celebrations. I’m honoured to be participating in two of these events,
one online and the other in Chicago! </span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Here’s the info:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We’re having an online global LLL meeting
for 24 hours straight on October 1<sup>st</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Any person, regardless of gender, who is
breast or chestfeeding or planning to breast or chestfeed in the future is
welcome to join us. This is just like a local chapter support meeting, but
online. The meeting is happening on Facebook, and <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/LLLIGlobalMeeting/" target="_blank">you can join the group for it here</a>.
LLL leaders from around the world are hosting different hours, including
volunteers based in Canada, New Zealand, Japan, Slovenia, Italy, France,
Israel, USA, Mexico, Korea, Netherlands, and more. We’ll post discussion
threads, and folks can ask questions, comment, and share information and
support. My hour, with co-leaders Melissa Kent and Linda Mellway McIntyre, is taking place at 10pm Greenwich Mean Time.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.eventbrite.com/e/llli-60th-anniversary-celebration-a-day-of-education-and-festivities-tickets-26801284363" target="_blank">An in-person celebration is taking place in Chicago on October 15th</a>. I’ll be speaking on a panel with five other
leaders, talking about my journey with LLL and why I’m so passionate about this
amazing organization. I’m extra super excited about the evening dinner with LLL
founders, including <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marian_Tompson" target="_blank">Marian Tompson</a>. We’ve talked on the phone a few times, and Marian has been a staunch supporter of my path to breastfeeding. I have long been
inspired not only by her work founding LLL, but also her advocacy around
breastfeeding and HIV. This will be my first time meeting her in real life! I’ll
leave you with my favourite Marian Tompson quote from an <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marian_Tompson" target="_blank">interview by the Pioneer Press for the Wilmette Life</a>:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When Tompson gave birth to her third
child, a group of 17 hospital employees—externs, interns, even the
receptionist—came to watch. "They circled my delivery table," Tompson
said. "After it was over, one of the residents walked up to my doctor and
said, 'Doctor, how did you do it?'"</span></i><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-38771436214165337092016-08-23T16:21:00.000-05:002016-08-23T16:21:02.370-05:00Publishers Weekly: Ultra Queer Book ReviewI'm excited to report that <i>Publishers Weekly</i> <a href="http://www.publishersweekly.com/978-0-9919645-0-5" target="_blank">reviewed my book</a>, <i>Where's the Mother: Stories from a Transgender Dad</i>.<br />
<br />
And, the reviewer appreciated the ways that I draw attention to varying degrees of privilege, including my own. It's a rad, queer review!<br />
<br />
From <i>Publishers Weekly</i>: "MacDonald’s debut memoir tells a tale noticeably absent from the
plethora of parenting and breastfeeding books available: that of a
transgender man in a gay marriage to a cisgender man who was himself
adopted, both desperately trying to feed their biological child nothing
but human milk... MacDonald owns his identity, using his elevated platform to call
attention to issues faced by transwomen and transmen, people of color,
and those living in poverty. Most importantly, his story of
transitioning is frank, clever, and easy to process, providing plenty of
parallels to his later struggles with nursing for curious cis readers... a refreshing and insightful narrative."<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-17033776795071882942016-06-16T14:17:00.002-05:002016-06-16T14:17:42.283-05:00Parenting Through a Vigil for Orlando
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">As queer parents, my partner and I carefully
discussed whether to attend our local vigil in Winnipeg, Canada for the LGBT
people of colour who were victims in Orlando. I’m a gay, transgender man,
married to a gay man, and we are privileged to be raising a five-year-old boy,
Jacob, and a twenty-month-old girl, Emily. We needed to consider how to talk to
our children about what happened, if the event would be safe for them, and if
we could convince our kids to behave appropriately given the circumstances that
were the reason for the vigil. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyGBVc1FXmRKk3rf_6vsBVVpJcvWFOSFtbqIHHRm5PzsedKTeIL8N6SfEWRQbZvNAYp0YfkD6DQfZeWFkDPntiYo5-a_zq9AIQXzsBJAie_8hOFNnMelVCNDoCPW50RQmkyicHJwOB2P0/s1600/13423958_986242731474645_5594798691923184868_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyGBVc1FXmRKk3rf_6vsBVVpJcvWFOSFtbqIHHRm5PzsedKTeIL8N6SfEWRQbZvNAYp0YfkD6DQfZeWFkDPntiYo5-a_zq9AIQXzsBJAie_8hOFNnMelVCNDoCPW50RQmkyicHJwOB2P0/s320/13423958_986242731474645_5594798691923184868_n.jpg" width="240" /></a><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">Our twenty-month-old toddler is going
through painful teething and prefers my arms at all times, so leaving her with
someone else during the vigil was not an option. The event started at 8:30pm,
when our kids would usually be winding down for bed. But we wanted desperately
to be there, to find our community and exchange hugs, and to show our support
for <a href="https://www.buzzfeed.com/adolfoflores/for-lgbt-latinos-a-need-not-to-be-made-invisible-in-tragedy?utm_term=.pfxRxmea7#.eu7AxZVXN" target="_blank">the victims who were mostly young, LGBT, Latinx people.</a></span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><a class="msocomanchor" href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=3381166349381237047#_msocom_1" id="_anchor_1" name="_msoanchor_1"></a><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">My partner and I decided that we must get
there. We talked to our five-year-old about what happened using simple but
honest language. We emphasized that the violence occurred in another country,
and that as white people living in Canada, we are lucky to have more privilege
than those who were killed or injured in Orlando. It is important for us to
stand up in support of our queer siblings of colour.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">But as we said these things, we were
also aware that other
<a href="http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-gay-pride-la-weapons-20160612-snap-story.html" target="_blank">LGBT events could be targeted</a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">. A trans friend of mine who lives in Philadelphia told me
that he and his partner decided not to risk taking their own young child to any
pride events due to safety concerns. One parent or the other might go, but not
both, and never their child. The calculations we make about personal safety and
risks feel dramatically different now that we are parents. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/pride-winnipeg-vigil-orlando-shooting-victims-1.3633894" target="_blank"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">At the </span></a><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" style="mso-comment-date: 20160615T1628; mso-comment-reference: TK_3;">vigil in Winnipeg</a><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"></span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">, hundreds of queer people and allies gathered, surrounded by
a heavy police presence as well as ambulances and fire trucks that lined the
block. I felt deeply moved by the words of an officer who spoke on behalf of
police to let us know that they and other first responders are here for our
community, doing their best to keep us safe. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">Simultaneously, I thought of trans
friends I know who have experienced discrimination and violence at the hands of
police. I’m not talking about decades ago at the Stonewall riots, but personal
friends in Canada and in the US who continue to endure police brutality. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">As politicians and community leaders spoke
and lit candles, we struggled to find the right balance as parents at the
event. A family sitting next to ours on the grass had brought ninja turtles for
their children to play with. After a few minutes of trying to listen to the
speeches whilst our children gazed with rapt attention at the other children’s sickeningly
inappropriate gunplay, we moved elsewhere. My toddler needed to pee about half
a dozen times, so I kept whisking her over to some nearby bushes and then
returning to the crowd. She and her brother ran up and down a small hill, but
didn’t make too much noise, and hopefully didn’t disturb others. At one point,
a man with a walker came through and I hastily grabbed both children to prevent
them from tripping him, while listening to a community organizer speaking out
against Islamophobia. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">After the main speeches were over and
some balloons released to the sky, our kids were absolutely finished. It was 10
pm. A lawyer we hadn’t seen for years approached to greet us but we had to
hurry away. During the car ride home, when all I wanted to do was reflect
quietly, I sang cheerfully to our toddler who was constantly on the verge of
screaming from exhaustion but could not seem to fall asleep. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">After becoming parents we got busy and
our priorities changed. We haven’t been to a gay bar in years. We connect to
our queer community much more easily online than we do in person. Other queer
parents we know posted to Facebook to say they were at the vigil in spirit but
needed to stay home for bedtime. For any parent, often already tired from
sleepless nights and working during the day, it takes a huge amount of energy
to get kids out to an event like this one and address their many questions and
various behaviors while paying one’s own respects. Add to this the daily stresses
of being a trans or non-binary person and it can become overwhelming. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">Yet, my partner and I are fearful of what our
kids will face when they enter the public school system <a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/2016/04/teaching-my-child-about-transphobia-our.html" target="_blank">http://www.milkjunkies.net/2016/04/teaching-my-child-about-transphobia-our.html</a></span><span class="MsoCommentReference"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 9.0pt;"><span style="mso-special-character: comment;"> </span></span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue"; font-size: 16.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Helvetica Neue";">and broader society. Now more than ever, we feel motivated to
do our best to be involved in our community and to promote tolerance and
diversity. First, we must take care of ourselves and survive. And then when we
can, for the sake of our own children and LGBT youth everywhere, we must attend
the vigils, we must speak out, we must stand up for vulnerable people, we must
lead by example, and change the world for the better.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com24tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-38843196664688382872016-06-06T23:12:00.000-05:002016-06-06T23:12:52.987-05:00Proud to be a New La Leche League Leader!
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIMN4_RH47GrknKLKkVu_gQDVKueJhItaa8uACZ_Hr_OTSSsUKZltIsnR0gLgIQnTkgHTf9IBGmw6vQVHDfTo6kidPFuokUolaSM8knJWEqSjieOfHYQL9uH0wmhmjD_C8bs5Gr3APJBo/s1600/IMG_0334.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIMN4_RH47GrknKLKkVu_gQDVKueJhItaa8uACZ_Hr_OTSSsUKZltIsnR0gLgIQnTkgHTf9IBGmw6vQVHDfTo6kidPFuokUolaSM8knJWEqSjieOfHYQL9uH0wmhmjD_C8bs5Gr3APJBo/s320/IMG_0334.JPG" width="213" /></a></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></i><span lang="EN-US">In 2014, <a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/2014/04/la-leche-league-will-allow-male-leaders.html" target="_blank">La Leche League International changed its policy about the eligibility of Leader (volunteer) Applicants to be inclusive of all gender identities.</a> As a result of the rule change, I was able
to apply, and I went through La Leche League Canada’s (LLLC) thorough and
fantastic training, becoming accredited as a Leader two weeks ago. I am
grateful to the Leader who supported me and spent many hours answering my
questions, and to the Leader at the Accreditation Department who guided me with
patience and kindness and kept me on track.</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">LLL’s updated policy came in advance of <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/transgender-bill-trudeau-government-1.3585522" target="_blank">federal legislation proposed by the Government of Canada to protect transgender Canadians from discrimination</a>. This quote from a message sent by LLLC to its
Leaders shows the confident position La Leche League has taken on this issue
(reprinted here with permission):</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica;">We recognize that any breastfeeding parent, regardless of whether
they self-identify as a mother or father, should be - and is now - welcome to
investigate LLL Leadership. There are other prerequisites that a potential
Leader needs to satisfy, but being a woman isn't one of them.”</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">La Leche League is the world’s best
breastfeeding peer support organization – this was the reason I wanted to
become a Leader when I first asked about applying, and it is why I am so proud
to join other Leaders in serving breastfeeding families. Leaders assist more
than 20,000 families across Canada each year, using carefully compiled
resources.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I feel I truly found my community when I
found La Leche League. LLL is one place where I know I will be accepted with my
breastfeeding toddler and where my nursing relationship with my child will always
be valued. In fact, I believe I have felt more criticism around nursing an “older”*
child in public than for nursing as a man. And that really speaks to why we
still desperately need LLL, and why it was founded sixty years ago. We need to
continue sharing information and resources around breastfeeding and the
breastfeeding relationship with those who come in search of support in the
context of a culture that continues to marginalize breastfeeding. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">* “older”
is in quotes, because we are talking here about anyone over the age of one. But
let’s face it: two- and three-year-olds are simply not “older”!</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com134tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-39669961561330837652016-05-17T15:51:00.000-05:002016-05-19T11:12:53.424-05:00Chestfeeding Research Published!<style>
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<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">My team's <a href="http://bmcpregnancychildbirth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12884-016-0907-y" target="_blank">research article about transmasculine individuals' experiences of lactation, chestfeeding, and gender identity </a>has been published!!! It's open
access. Please share widely!</span>
</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">In this University of Ottawa study, funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research, I
interviewed 22 transmasculine individuals.</span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: "times";">Here’s a quick overview of what’s new and exciting about this paper:</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">1)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times";"><b>Discussion of
pregnancy and chestfeeding after top surgery.</b> Out of 22 participants, 9 had
chest surgery before they became pregnant. They experienced different amounts
of mammary growth during pregnancy. Some chose to chestfeed and others didn’t. This
is the first paper to discuss experiences of chestfeeding after chest surgery!</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">2)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times";">The paper
includes the f<b>irst academic reference to a transmasculine individual binding
during the lactation period, and taking testosterone during the lactation
period.</b> As the paper states, the participant reported that his child had normal
testosterone levels, i.e., it appears that the child was not exposed to any
effects of testosterone through the milk. Also, the participant reported that
there seemed to be no decrease in his milk supply. Binding and taking
testosterone allowed the participant to chestfeed for <b>longer</b> because
these actions helped mitigate his gender dysphoria.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">3)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> <b> </b></span></span><span style="font-family: "times";"><b>Zero of the
participants’ surgeons discussed the potential for future chestfeeding before
performing top surgery</b>. Equally important, participants reported that they
didn’t feel comfortable bringing the topic up, either. They cited their
surgeons’ strong and obvious belief in the gender binary and the feeling that
they needed to tell the right story in order to access chest surgery.</span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">4)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times";"><b>Changes in
secondary sex characteristics during pregnancy</b>. References in the academic and
medical literature state that a low-pitched voice and facial hair are <b>permanent</b>
results of taking testosterone. However, in this paper, we report the
experience of one participant who found that when he stopped taking
testosterone and became pregnant, his facial hair literally fell out and his
voice became higher in pitch. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">5)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times";"><b>Experiences of
gender dysphoria.</b> As you might expect, some study participants reported
experiencing gender dysphoria when chestfeeding. Some of them stopped
chestfeeding due to gender dysphoria. However, others did not gender the
process of feeding their babies from their chests at all. Nine of 16 participants
who initiated chestfeeding reported experiencing no gender dysphoria while
chestfeeding. Three of them didn’t experience gender dysphoria during
chestfeeding but they DID experience it after they weaned their babies. The
usefulness of chestfeeding in terms of nutrition and bonding was cited
frequently as a reason for doing it. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">6)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times";"><b>Unexpected and
unwanted lactation.</b> Several participants who had had chest surgery and chose
not to chestfeed their babies experienced problems with milk coming in. One had
early symptoms of mastitis. Both the participants and their health care
providers were unprepared. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">7)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times";"><b>How gender dysphoria
can be triggered by health professionals</b>. We tend to think of gender dysphoria
as something that a trans person experiences <b>because of their body</b>. In
this study, we found dysphoria could be triggered, in </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">a person who otherwise was not
experiencing it, by the way they are treated by others. From the paper: “</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times new roman";">care
providers and others are capable of <i>causing</i>
gender dysphoria in a patient by misgendering them. Conversely, care providers
can affirm a patient’s gender identity through appropriate language, respectful
touch, and other intentional actions, and thus alleviate distress associated
with gender dysphoria.” In other words, the act of chestfeeding itself might
not cause gender dysphoria for a transgender guy, but a health care provider
talking about putting baby to “mom’s breast” might do so. </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">8)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> </span></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: "times new roman";"><b>Using donor
milk.</b> Seven of the 22 participants said they used or intended to use donor
milk, and one donated milk to others. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="text-indent: -18pt;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman";">9)<span style="font-family: "times new roman"; font-stretch: normal; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal;"> <b> </b></span></span><span style="font-family: "times";"><b>The language.</b>
This study was trans led, and the language used throughout the paper is
appropriate for our community. We didn’t say in this paper, “some trans men
use this word chestfeeding” and then ourselves use breastfeeding or nursing after that
when we wrote in our own words. We used chestfeeding throughout the paper, as
THE word. Why? Some trans guys are okay with “breastfeeding,” but some are very
triggered by it. We didn’t think any trans guys would be triggered by “chestfeeding,”
so we decided to use that term throughout. <br />
<br />
</span><span style="font-family: "times new roman";"></span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "times";">What a way to celebrate the International Day Against Homophobia,
Transphobia and Biphobia!</span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "times"; font-size: 10.0pt;"><span style="font-size: small;">With so much thanks to the study participants who made this possible,
and my research team members Joy Noel-Weiss, Diana West, Michelle Walks, MaryLynne Biener,
Alanna Kibbe, and Elizabeth Myler. Big thank you as well to Karleen Gribble for her detailed comments in the open peer review process!</span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com20tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-16464507369826852112016-05-13T16:03:00.002-05:002016-05-13T16:09:40.992-05:00Book Launch events!"Where's the Mother? Stories from a Transgender Dad" is now available for preorder wherever books are sold. I'll be appearing at two launch events: one in Toronto and one in Winnipeg. I hope you and your friends can attend!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh18myF_0O3FxDvl3mWOCIyWA1N92jJDKRUBQU63QHgFwgiaZEVThpdCtbfLrFrqzmhX7jL3GqCPe3wpEOXsGVFW6JJwSnr6pqN1U6WsXSw1pQm3mbk0lghYMZeP2xRYKIEMTmo62C7Yj4/s1600/Yorkville.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh18myF_0O3FxDvl3mWOCIyWA1N92jJDKRUBQU63QHgFwgiaZEVThpdCtbfLrFrqzmhX7jL3GqCPe3wpEOXsGVFW6JJwSnr6pqN1U6WsXSw1pQm3mbk0lghYMZeP2xRYKIEMTmo62C7Yj4/s200/Yorkville.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="200" /></a></div>
<br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/234949936876365/" target="_blank">"Launch Event" Saturday June 4th at 11am: Toronto Public Library</a><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/234949936876365/" target="_blank">Yorkville</a> <span style="color: #90949c; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; white-space: nowrap;">22 Yorkville Ave, Toronto, Ontario M4W 1L4</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px;">Trevor MacDonald reads from his book Where's the Mother: Stories from a Transgender Dad. Trevor founded the first online support group for transgender people interested in pregnancy, birth, and breast or chestfeeding. He shares his own parenting experiences on his blog,</span><a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/" rel="nofollow nofollow" style="background-color: white; color: #365899; cursor: pointer; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank">www.milkjunkies.net.</a><span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px;"> Join us for a reading, Q&A, and signing session. This is a child friendly event so bring the whole family!</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrfBrBkrlwroTeV2xBjCRaC0BQZl1I_jNFps-tXsmsNkuTiJwUucrfnEmeJ64diMrT4QQunEmgxZCkhZJnR6COZQD_dRUR-3LnZQ4w64St_TVQxOuNr6Ig-60BcrF9fCTV1j8pDT-JGIk/s1600/mcnally.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrfBrBkrlwroTeV2xBjCRaC0BQZl1I_jNFps-tXsmsNkuTiJwUucrfnEmeJ64diMrT4QQunEmgxZCkhZJnR6COZQD_dRUR-3LnZQ4w64St_TVQxOuNr6Ig-60BcrF9fCTV1j8pDT-JGIk/s200/mcnally.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px;"><br /></span></span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/526182777506815/" target="_blank">"An Afternoon With Trevor MacDonald" Sunday June 12 at 2pm: McNally Robinson Booksellers</a> <span style="background-color: #f6f7f9; color: #90949c; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.08px; white-space: nowrap;">1120 Grant Avenue, Winnipeg, Manitoba R3M 2A6</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4b4f56; font-family: "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px;">A book launch tour event with Trevor MacDonald, who will read from "Where's the Mother? Stories from a Transgender Dad". Trevor will be on hand for discussion and book signing afterwards.</span><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-41573282320683204342016-04-24T23:19:00.000-05:002016-04-24T23:19:17.279-05:00Teaching my child about the transphobia our family faces
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<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">Things were easier when my boy was a baby.
If someone questioned my gender or asked where my baby’s mother was, my infant was
unaware. Now, he just turned five years old, and he understands everything. He
is perceptive. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">And he is due to go to
kindergarten in September.</i></span>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuR3mtv73L-PmK6NFSfjnmvpJbSDbrYSFBTWBAmo5AsAlGPrgqO0iFDKf55bb1-yxO0vaLldBarks1VlE527adrOAXvfB3cDNfAurztMB_CGL78hyphenhyphen5iKv5uxHoY-c3Ya6px9gYR7trO_c/s1600/IMG_0260.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuR3mtv73L-PmK6NFSfjnmvpJbSDbrYSFBTWBAmo5AsAlGPrgqO0iFDKf55bb1-yxO0vaLldBarks1VlE527adrOAXvfB3cDNfAurztMB_CGL78hyphenhyphen5iKv5uxHoY-c3Ya6px9gYR7trO_c/s320/IMG_0260.JPG" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">When it was simple: feed and hold the baby.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My partner and I have always been
completely open with our kids about how they came into this world. They know
that I carried them and gave birth to them, and they know I’m transgender and
what that means. When I became pregnant with our second, we used <a href="http://corysilverberg.com/what-makes-a-baby/" target="_blank">CorySilverberg’s fantastic “What Makes a Baby”</a> to explain conception, pregnancy,
and birth. Silverberg’s book uses correct terminology like egg, sperm, uterus,
and vagina but does not attach those terms to gender identities. Our son
learned that to make a baby, you need an egg and sperm, and you need a place called
a uterus for the baby to grow. Some people have eggs in their bodies, and some
have sperm.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I transitioned before my kids were born.
They are growing up knowing me as Trevor, their Dada. Since we live our lives
this way every moment of every day, this is our normal. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So how do I explain to my kid that other
people see our family as incredibly unusual (if not immoral)? How do I explain
that it <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">really </i>isn’t a funny game to
open the bathroom stall door at a crowded public market before I’ve got my
pants up again after having a pee? How do I explain why people ask us over and
over again where his mother is or where we got him from?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In “Like Me and You,” the renowned
children’s entertainer Raffi sings that everyone is “the child of a mother and
a father.” My partner and I frequently sang loudly over the lyrics, “the child
of a Dada and a Papa!” One day, about a year ago, I pressed pause after that
line, and said, “He’s forgetting some families, isn’t he?” My son nodded. We
talked about our own family, and some of his friends who are raised by single
mothers, or two moms. It was the beginning of an ongoing conversation.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">We’re not religious, but we live in a
conservative, rural area where most people attend church regularly. Last week,
a lesbian mom made our local news because she asked her school board to lift
its prohibition on classroom discussions of same-sex relationships and diverse
family structures. <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/manitoba/steinbach-area-mom-backlash-1.3534705" target="_blank">She received some good public support and also a lot ofbacklash including a threat that she reported to police.</a> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Also last week, my son asked me what God
is. Oh, the questions of a five-year-old! I tried to explain how different
people have varying beliefs about God and evolution. And then I told him about
the Bible. I told him that it says a “man shall not lie with a man.” I said
that some religious people take that rule very seriously and others don’t. I
also told him it says things like you shouldn’t wear clothing made from mixed materials,
and that no one seems to pay attention to that particular rule. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I told my son that the law says it’s okay
for two men to love each other and live together and have a family, even though
some people don’t like that. I reminded him that we have family friends who
believe in God, and that those friends also believe that the Bible tells them
to love others and treat them kindly regardless of their gender identity. I
reminded him that we have always been welcomed by that family. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I did not tell him that the mom expressed to
me how worried she is that attending school here could adversely affect her
daughter’s current open acceptance of gender-diverse people like us.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My son heard me gasp aloud the other day
when I saw a headline about the latest “bathroom bill” in the US. “What?” he
asked. I said that some politicians passed a law that would require transgender
men like me to use the women’s bathroom, and transgender women to use the
men’s. His eyes widened and he said quickly, “But that’s in other countries,
right?” Yes, I assured him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It feels like a lot for age five. But don’t
you dare tell me that I shouldn’t have had kids because I am transgender,
because “look how hard it will be for them.” Instead, you can teach your kids
that some families have two moms or two dads, and that some people transition. I
don’t want to have to teach mine why certain families keep their distance from
us, why we are treated by some like a curiosity, or why kids of LGBT parents
are getting bullied at school. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">If school kids aren’t proactively taught to
respect diverse family structures equally, then I am left needing to teach my
kids about the transphobia and homophobia that is directed at us. Calls to keep
education about LGBTQ families limited to discussions within the home are in
fact calls for LGBTQ families to teach their kids how to grapple with bullying
and discrimination in schools without support from teachers or administrators. On
the other hand, including classroom discussions about diverse family structures
would remove some of that burden. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">It sure feels much easier as a parent to
explain love rather than hate in response to the endless ‘why’s that come from
a young child.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-61052191377533567052016-04-17T19:30:00.000-05:002016-04-17T19:30:19.525-05:00Questions Not to Ask a Pregnant Transgender Person*
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<div class="Body">
<i>* Or any pregnant person whose gender identity you are not
absolutely 100% certain about, so really, ANY pregnant person.</i>
</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">I came out as a
transgender guy and transitioned by changing my legal name, taking
testosterone, and having top surgery. Friends and colleagues were generally
awesome with that, and highly supportive. Virtually everyone I knew used male
pronouns for me as I asked them to, and many made special efforts to help me
feel accepted. </span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">A few years later, I
stopped taking testosterone and became pregnant, and my allies’ world was
turned upside down. These are real questions that real people asked me. Let me
explain why they are damaging, and what would be better.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Have you had surgery “down there”?</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
This one is a sign that somebody hasn’t thought things through,
and I think it comes from the assumption that all transgender people want to
transition “all the way.” Transition for a female-to-male individual must
involve hysterectomy, right? Wrong! We transition in a variety of ways, to
whatever degree makes us comfortable (or that we can afford). For some trans
people, transition is not linear, either. You really don’t need to know whether
your pregnant trans friend has had or desires any other kind of bottom surgery,
such as clitoral release, urethral lengthening, or phalloplasty. Read about
those procedures by Googling to your heart’s content.</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Are you going to keep the baby?</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
The person asking wants to know if the pregnancy was planned. Just
like the rest of the population, some transgender people who become pregnant
didn’t intend to have babies, but that’s not the case for all of us. The
unpleasant implication behind the question is that a transgender person
shouldn’t want to have (or shouldn’t have) a baby. A much better question would
be “How are you feeling?” Your pregnant trans friend will disclose as much as
they are comfortable with and might indicate how you can help. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<b>
</b><div class="Body" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>How do you know this is safe?</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
A lot of people assumed that because I had a beard and a low
voice, I was still taking testosterone despite being pregnant. People asked me
this as though I had never considered the issue before. To me, the question
suggested that I was ignorant or didn’t care about my baby, or both. Even health
care providers asked repeatedly if I was taking testosterone, seemingly not
believing my answer. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
Before trying to get pregnant, I talked to my endocrinologist
(hormone doctor) and family doctor about any risks they could foresee. My
endocrinologist advised me to stop taking testosterone and wait until my
menstrual cycles became regular. He said that, in the form I was taking it,
testosterone leaves the tissues quite quickly, typically within about ten days.
He told me that my eggs should not be affected by my previous testosterone use.
My family doctor just shrugged and reminded me to take folic acid!</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
If you have a transgender friend or acquaintance who is pregnant,
you don’t need to ask this. If you’re a health care provider, knowing whether
or not your patient is still taking testosterone is important. You also need to
realize that for some of us at least, a beard doesn’t disappear when
testosterone use is halted. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<b>
</b><div class="Body" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Did you enjoy the process of making your baby?</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
This is just another way of asking a transgender person how they
have sex. It’s weird and awkward. And for folks who don’t have simple access to
sperm in their relationship, conceiving a baby might be separate from making
love anyway.</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<b>
</b><div class="Body" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>But what about breastfeeding?</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
I think breastfeeding is awesome, and I have been breastfeeding
my kids for five years straight – but having a baby doesn’t hinge on it. I was
asked about breastfeeding when I was pregnant, as if not being able to breastfeed
should make me reconsider my pregnancy. The question itself put an immense
amount of pressure on me. It turned out that I am able to make a small amount
of milk despite having had chest surgery, and I deeply value my breastfeeding
relationship with my child. However, lots of people, transgender or not, choose
not to breastfeed, and that is their choice. </div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
For friends and health care providers alike, a more open-ended
question would be better, such as “how do you plan to feed your baby?” If you
are lactating and interested in helping, you could ask if your transgender
friend might wish to accept donated milk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body" style="margin-left: 36.0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -18.0pt;">
<b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Helvetica; mso-fareast-font-family: Helvetica;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font: 7.0pt "Times New Roman";">
</span></span></span>Do you know the baby’s gender?</b></div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
During my pregnancies, people asked me this obsessively. I always
thought to myself, do you know who you’re asking? Identifying a baby as male or
female based on its genitalia has to do with its <a href="http://www.milkjunkies.net/2012/03/tips-for-transgender-breastfeeders-and.html" target="_blank">sex, not its gender</a>.
Furthermore, I never cared during my pregnancies about what my babies’ genitals
might look like. I wondered if they would be healthy, happy, sleepy, curious,
affectionate, serious, light-hearted, optimistic or any number of other
characteristics before I thought about whether they had a penis or vulva. A
better question to ask would be whether your friend has felt their baby move
yet or heard the heartbeat – both are indescribably beautiful and intimate ways
to connect with the being growing inside the belly.</div>
<div class="Body">
<br /></div>
<div class="Body">
Finally, I want to mention that a few friends have come out to me
as transgender or genderqueer during or after their pregnancies. Friends, family,
and health care providers interacting with a pregnant person might be unaware
of that person’s gender identity. Be careful about the assumptions contained in
your questions no matter who you’re talking to.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-64461903565575982142015-09-25T23:42:00.000-05:002015-09-25T23:48:46.945-05:00Canadian Midwives Statement – Feminist and Inclusive<style>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">The Canadian Association of Midwives’ (CAM)
Board of Directors <a href="http://www.canadianmidwives.org/DATA/TEXTEDOC/CAM-GenderInclusivity-HumanRights-Sept2015.pdf" target="_blank">published a statement</a> today about the inclusion of trans,
genderqueer, and intersex people in midwifery care. The message is loud and
clear. CAM sees no contradiction in providing woman-centred care and respecting
diverse identities. The Board acknowledges the organization's <b>feminist roots</b> in its first sentence and goes on to declare,</span>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“We are aware of recent events in the United States
and the claims of some that the important steps being taken to ensure that
trans, gender queer and intersex people in our care and in our communities are
not marginalized, denied or made invisible, are somehow undermining our ability
to provide woman-centered care. CAM refutes this statement completely. We
believe that it is critical for midwives to honour and respect all people’s
right to self-determination and their right to receive health care that is free
from discrimination, transphobia and prejudice. </span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Women and women’s health care will not benefit by
refusing to recognize or include the rights of others</span></b></i><span lang="EN-US">.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">In the statement, the Board mentions that
CAM is taking action in order to serve marginalized populations better. CAM is
currently reviewing its own language to insure inclusion of people of all
genders. The organization is “committed to providing resources and education
for our members” about the needs of trans, genderqueer, and intersex people.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am thrilled to be helping contribute to
education on this front by speaking at <a href="http://www.canadianmidwives.org/conference/" target="_blank">CAM’s annual conference this November</a>.
My session is titled “</span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://eventmobi.com/2015camconference/agenda/103037/607326" target="_blank">Some men haveuteruses: a qualitative study about transgender men who experienced pregnancy& birth</a>.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My presentation is paired
with one I’m excited to attend by lesbian midwifery clients Jenna Jacobs, a
trans woman, and Eby Heller, a cis woman.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">CAM’s Board finishes with a powerful
conclusion to its statement: “</span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We believe that
ensuring that our work and our language reflects the existence and inclusion of
trans, gender queer and intersex people does not erase the existence of women,
it simply extends basic human rights to all midwives and the people they serve</span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">.”</span></i></div>
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<span style="mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It will be
interesting to see what language they decide on. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-9404532154120910612015-09-17T00:49:00.001-05:002015-09-17T00:49:46.897-05:00What is Really Behind the “Woman-Centred Midwifery” Letter
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">A few days ago, I wrote <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/trevor-macdonald/transphobia-in-the-midwif_b_8131520.html" target="_blank">a blog post </a>attempting to claim a middle ground between gender inclusivity and feminism in
the midwifery community. I am a gay, transgender man, and I am a feminist. A
vicious response by a lead midwife from the group Woman-Centred Midwifery was
posted and then deleted later in the day. Have no fear, I obtained a screen
capture of it so we can all read it and discuss.</span></span>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">Here’s a quick synopsis of the issue</span>: <span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="http://mana.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #4b2473; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">The Midwives Alliance of North America (MANA)</span></a><span style="color: #262626;">
formerly referred to clients as "women" and "mothers," but
in 2014 changed some (but not all) language in its <a href="http://mana.org/about-us/core-competencies" target="_blank"><span style="color: #4b2473; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">core competencies document</span></a>
to refer to "pregnant people" and "birthing individuals." </span>On
August 20<sup>th</sup>, a dissenting group of midwives calling themselves
"Woman-Centred Midwifery" <a href="http://womancenteredmidwifery.org/take-action/" target="_blank">wrote a letter</a> to MANA protesting the “erasure” of the word</span><span lang="EN-US"> “woman” from the documents. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">I proposed that
organizations like MANA can and should continue to use the words “woman” and
“mother” in addition to gender neutral terms like “all birthing people” or
“people of all genders.” There can be respect for women’s struggles against
patriarchy and inclusivity of transgender, genderqueer and intersex individuals
at the same time. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">In response, Mary Lou Singleton, the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">first signatory</b> on the Open Letter to
MANA, wrote a comment on my blog post that is the most bizarre and hostile piece of
misinformation I’ve ever seen. Her opinion about transgender people is made abundantly clear by her use of terms such as "<b>medical mutilation</b>" and "<b>gender industrial complex</b>." </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">But there's still more. Ms. Singleton asserts, "</span><span lang="EN-US"><style><!--
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--></style><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2a2f3c; font-size: 12pt;"><i>Male-to-trans billionaires pour millions and
millions of dollars into promoting transgenderism, while simultaneously funding
horrific anti-woman politicians and initiatives.</i>"</span>
Yes, it is true that there is
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_N._Pritzker" target="_blank">one trans billionaire</a> in the world. She doesn’t represent all trans people, who
in general face <a href="http://www.lgbtmap.org/news/understanding-transgender-issues-unfair-price-release" target="_blank">high rates of poverty and are frequently victims of violence</a>.
I love a good conspiracy theory as much as the next person, but painting one of
our society’s most oppressed groups as the oppressors is not only far-fetched,
it contributes further to the transphobia and discrimination we already
encounter.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">Ms. Singleton continues: “<i>transgenderism reinforces
the patriarchal caste system but being gay challenges it</i>... </span><span lang="EN-US">
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<i><span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="color: #2a2f3c; font-size: 12pt;">The
erasure of biological sex and the legal codification of sex-role stereotypes as
the sole definition of male and female is the patriarchy's wet dream</span></span>.
</i>” What about
individuals like myself who are both transgender AND gay? What about
transgender women who are lesbians? And, let’s remember the topic at hand –
midwifery care during pregnancy, birth and post partum. I can say from personal
experience that being a guy with a beard, a low voice and a pregnant belly does
not constitute conforming to sex-role stereotypes in our society. Nursing a
baby while sporting facial hair does not constitute conforming to sex-role
stereotypes in our society. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">As the first signatory on the Open Letter
to MANA, I assume that Ms. Singleton must have a good deal to do with the
motivation behind it. I fear that we have now seen the true colours of this
particular “woman-centred midwifery” group – hateful yet utterly confused. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I hope that others who signed will carefully consider the implications and will withdraw their support of such a brutal ideology.</span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span lang="EN-US">Many thanks to Sion Jesse for providing this
screen capture:</span></span></div>
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</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ-V-o_2zJWuF8cDteX2jA5ao93QOQZawI2ombv5SKhnGDYVbKDpphC7ZHZ_NqwsLdROzBc7qvNUI4wgtPtjC7K5J4P4lBplQbhmbxJJkGf3ooR_v7VKaQwkUX8dSxV4z_5lD2EpIJPBY/s1600/MaryLou.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQ-V-o_2zJWuF8cDteX2jA5ao93QOQZawI2ombv5SKhnGDYVbKDpphC7ZHZ_NqwsLdROzBc7qvNUI4wgtPtjC7K5J4P4lBplQbhmbxJJkGf3ooR_v7VKaQwkUX8dSxV4z_5lD2EpIJPBY/s320/MaryLou.jpg" width="206" /></a></span></div>
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</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-17358809832478601952015-09-07T12:26:00.000-05:002015-09-08T06:59:34.828-05:00Midwifery is for Women AND Everyone<style>
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<span lang="EN-US">Last summer I presented at a radical birth
conference called Yonifest, held in Quebec, Canada. I was pregnant at the time
and fully in awe to be included in such a powerful gathering. Everyone there
was deeply committed to exploring and celebrating birth. I presented my own
workshop on transgender experiences of pregnancy, birth and nursing, and also
spoke alongside the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">famed and revered American
midwife Ina May Gaskin</b> on a panel.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">After my presentation, I received wonderful
comments and insightful questions, and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I
also saw fear. </b>One midwife recounted how her organization had begun to
change the language in its documents to be inclusive of trans and genderqueer
birthing people, and she told me, “but I don’t want to erase the word ‘woman.’”
She had tears in her eyes and was truly upset. This same midwife had just sat
through my two-hour presentation. She was there because she was interested in
supporting trans people. She was not dismissive.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Now, one year later, <a href="http://womancenteredmidwifery.org/take-action/" target="_blank">in an open letter, agroup including Ina May Gaskin and Katsi Cook</a> (Cook was also present at
Yonifest that summer) has written in protest of changes to wording in the core
competencies document of the Midwives Alliance of North America (MANA). The
letter condemns the erasure of the word ‘woman’ from the MANA document, and
also denies the rights of trans and genderqueer individuals to self-identify as
they wish and questions their right to receive midwifery care. There is much in
the letter that is painful, misinformed and degrading to trans, genderqueer and
intersex individuals, <a href="http://www.birthforeverybody.org/response-to-open-letter/" target="_blank">points that have been well-covered in a response writtenby another group, birthforeverybody.org.</a></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">Yet,
I don’t want to erase the word ‘woman’ either</span></b><span lang="EN-US">. I
get where these midwives are coming from -- somewhat. Women are a group who
have been and continue to be oppressed in many ways by a patriarchal society.
This includes women having a terrible lack of control over their bodies during
the birth process. This is not about individual patient rights. For many years,
one group of people, primarily men who do not have the ability to give birth,
has controlled another group of people during the birth process, a group that
is primarily women. Women and midwives have worked incredibly hard to try to
regain social and legal rights to use women’s knowledge in the birth process. I
have deep respect for this struggle.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Yet, trans, genderqueer, and intersex
people have been giving birth for as long as women-identified people have and
they have also encountered oppression. The open letter presumes that to be
trans and to give birth is some new phenomenon of the last few years. Trans
people giving birth are <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">newly visible </b>because
today we are able to transition hormonally and surgically as well as engage our
bodies in pregnancy, but there have always been people who identified
differently from women whilst experiencing birth. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Kathleen Fahy, an Australian midwife and
professor, told me at Yonifest that she remembered when her profession changed
the language first to providing ‘family-centred’ care, and then later to
‘woman-centred’ care. There was a time when the partner (often a cisgender man)
of the birthing parent (often a woman) was not allowed to be present during the
birth. Care providers realized that their approach didn’t respect the family unit
as a whole. However, shifting to use couple language for everything pregnancy
and birth related wasn’t quite right, either. The partner’s body does not give
birth, nor does the body of the doctor or midwife. The birthing parent gives
birth, and the <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">birthing parent was
virtually always perceived as female</b>, although as explained above, trans, genderqueer,
and intersex people have been giving birth for as long as anyone.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">I propose that organizations trying to
grapple with respecting the feminist legacy of midwifery care while using
inclusive language should be generous with their ink. Use more words!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">From the MANA core competency: </span><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“<i><span style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The biological wisdom to give
birth is innate, it has been held throughout time, and is experienced across
cultures by all pregnant people.</span></i>” </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The problem above: the word “woman” has
literally been erased from the sentence. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Solution:</span></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The biological wisdom to give birth is innate, it has been held
throughout time, and is experienced across cultures by <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">all pregnant women and all pregnant people.</b></span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Is it wordy? Yes. Is
it inclusive? YES! Is it respectful of the struggles of women against
patriarchy? I think so. There could even be an explanatory note if desired!</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Cambria; font-style: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-style: italic; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The response group at birthforeverybody.org wrote that, “</span></i><i><span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: Cambria; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">I</span></i><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">t stands to reason
that women identify as people, therefore women are not excluded by the use of
the word “person” to refer to them. However, there are pregnant people who do
not identify as “women” and feel excluded or misidentified by the use of the
word “women” in reference to them. Therefore, use of the word “people” is
inclusionary, while use of the word “women” is exclusionary.</span></i><span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">”</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The above statement is logically
correct, yet to me it is eerily reminiscent of the way some are promoting the
hashtag #alllivesmatter in response to #blacklivesmatter. Yes, it is true that
all lives matter, but we are focusing on black lives right now because black
people are facing racism and violence every day. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Women and people perceived as women
have faced and continue to face obstetrical violence in the context of a
patriarchal society. We do not need to erase the word “woman” from models of
care or core competency documents, but we should add more words to include
everyone.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If there are people who want to be
referred to as women in the context of birth, such self-identification needs to
be respected. I believe those who wrote the Open Letter feel that they as women
are made invisible by the exclusive use of the words “pregnant individuals.” They
fear a future where they will not be allowed to write or speak about women in
their own practices. For some, becoming pregnant and giving birth is a crucial
aspect of their <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">womanhood</i>, not their
personhood. Queer folks have done well to add more letters to our “alphabet
soup” LGBTTQIA acronym. We can all handle a few more letters.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Open Letter to MANA contains many
factual errors and offensive statements regarding trans and genderqueer people.
I see there is much work to be done. I want to see two communities that I love,
the radical birth world of traditional midwives and womyn, and the LGBTTQIA
birth workers move forward together. I will always love and respect Ina May
Gaskin’s work. I hope I will meet her again one day and be able to continue
this conversation.</span><span lang="EN-US"></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com28tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-937709414371736202015-06-08T14:19:00.000-05:002015-06-08T14:19:02.566-05:00Philadelphia Trans Health Conference: My Safe Space
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<span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US"></span><span lang="EN-US">I hope it will be the first of many for me.
I attended the conference to conduct a session on my research study:
Transmasculine individuals’ experiences of pregnancy, birth and infant feeding
(funded by the Canadian Institutes of Health Research – Institute of Gender and
Health). After two years of work, 22 participant interviews (about one hour
each) and many, many hours spent transcribing, analyzing, coding and re-coding,
Dr. Joy Noel-Weiss and I presented our findings!</span>
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<span lang="EN-US">We had a well-attended session and received
many good questions from attendees. I had my nursing 7-month-old baby with me.
She played on a blanket on the floor with some toys and snacks. An amazingly
generous woman I’d never met before got down on the floor with my baby and
entertained her, without getting too close or picking her up (she would have
screamed!). She made it possible for me to speak! Once in a while when the baby
got fussy I picked her up and nursed her, handing the microphone over to Joy to
continue presenting. It all worked out beautifully.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Philly Trans Health refreshed my soul. Last
year there were about 3500 attendees, and friends told me that this year seemed
to be an even bigger gathering (we have to wait for the final tally). It is
hard to describe what it feels like to have spent my life up until now as the
only trans* person amongst cisgender people at all times, and then to be suddenly
surrounded by THOUSANDS of trans* and gender non-conforming people. I felt so
damn SAFE. I nursed the baby in the hallways, and didn’t avoid eye contact; I
smiled at people who walked by, knowing that they would return the friendly
gesture. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">On the first day of the conference we went
to City Hall where the transgender pride flag was raised for the first time.
Children, and people with children were invited to participate in the ceremony,
so my baby and I both held the flag and then a group of kids pulled the rope to
lift it while the audience cheered. </span></div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dy2hF7jscKPLpQr4rPlrvXCJAQ8sytpdosagfk3y6fYkJFsyzzwRV8AEzn8fT3E8qLqQaxlH2p4ysiDwIC09g' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">There were so many trans* and non-binary
people in town for the conference that I could see others like me everywhere I
went – Reading Terminal Market, on the SEPTA train while commuting to my
friends’ place in the suburbs, and around the historic district, too. I nursed
my baby in all of those spaces, and felt safe everywhere. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">It is only in experiencing this weekend of
mass transness that I am realizing how I have been affected by being the only.
This past winter was rough for my family to a point where I began to feel
stressed and fragile. My partner needed gallbladder surgery when our baby was
only two months old, and shortly after that, the baby developed bronchiolitis.
With all of the anxiety surrounding their illnesses, I had trouble coping with
parenting while trans in public. I became reluctant to go out on my own with my
two kids. This went on for months. When it was time to travel to Toronto and
Ottawa to speak at a regional conference, I desperately wanted to cancel. How
could I cope with all that? I had lost my usual resilience.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">We went, and I did it. Getting out there and
just making it all happen helped me start to feel better, but arriving in
Philadelphia let me be whole again. In Philly, I stayed with a trans* friend I
knew only from the interwebs, and his partner and son. In their household, not
only was my trans* identity utterly normal, but we also shared an
attachment-minded style of parenting that includes nursing our kids beyond
toddlerhood. My friends helped entertain my baby in the most understanding and
patient of ways so that I could clean bottles and thaw milk, and pack. When I
wanted to attempt a shower, this friend said, “Oh, let me start the shower for
you so you don’t have to spend time figuring out how it works. Otherwise the
baby would be crying by the time you get in.” Yes, yes, yes.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">I felt completely accepted and valued, and
I think I have brought at least some of this sense of well-being back home with
me. I am so grateful and privileged to have been able to enjoy this nourishing
experience. I know that many others cannot. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">I also acknowledge that some had a very
hard time with the conference. I found flyers left out on the vendors’ tables explaining that trans women seem to be getting significantly less programming that
is specific to them. I’d like to know why that is happening, and what the
organizers plan to do about it for next year. </span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B2ZMZ5QgEB0aaUdIVFNac2d2N2c/view" target="_blank">Have a look at the leaflets comparing the number of workshops for trans* women with those for trans* men and gender non-binary people! </a></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com395tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-73804120107786008042014-12-28T00:58:00.000-06:002014-12-28T00:58:00.267-06:00Nursing Two Babies<div class="MsoNormal">
I haven’t blogged in a long time because… I had my second
baby! Things have been busy around here. Right now I’m nursing the two-month-old
and typing with one hand. My three-and-a-half-year-old is asleep. I’m exhausted
and should probably get to bed as soon as the baby is ‘milk drunk’ – you know,
when they come off and look at you so satisfied and relaxed and then pass out
immediately - but I want to share something with you about parenting my two
children through nursing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Yes, I still nurse my ‘older’ child. Just this morning I was
thinking about how big he is getting, how mature. I mentioned to my partner
that nursing him seems and feels a bit weird these days. His mouth is huge
compared to the newborn’s and his latch has changed a lot in recent months. He,
too, has noticed a difference and will often say that the tube isn’t in the
right place or it’s ‘not working.’<o:p></o:p></div>
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Tube? Yes, tube. I have nursed my son for three-and-a-half
years using an at-chest supplementer because I never had a full milk supply.
For the last 18 months we’ve used water in the supplementer instead of milk.
Jacob likes the flow of it. He loves to nurse, but not if there’s nothing
coming out. It has worked for me and it has worked for him, so this is what we we’ve
been doing.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This time around I have more milk, although still not as
much as the baby needs. I nurse the baby first (with a different supplementer
and donated human milk), and then nurse Jacob if he wants it. Initially after
our baby girl was born, Jacob wanted to nurse all the time. Sometimes that was
tough, and often it was sad because I had to just say no – baby needed it
first, and he wasn’t used to that. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I won’t go into the gory details, but will say that tonight,
after Jacob caught a horrible stomach bug that left him empty and us with a lot
of laundry to do, I suddenly became ever so grateful that he still nurses. He
refused to drink water out of a glass and the same went for juice, which is
normally a much-anticipated treat in our home. He was scared and upset at
having been so sick, over and over again. He wasn’t grown up or mature-looking at all. Sure, he is
an ‘older’ nursling compared to an infant, but he is not ‘old’. He is a three-and-a-half-year-old LITTLE boy who can't yet tie a pair of laces or even manage to open our sticky front door. Why would he be too old to nurse? Through nursing this evening, he took in a good amount of water
plus some much-needed antibodies from the bit of milk he got from me. I’m
relieved that we don’t have to worry about dehydration at this point. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So tonight I uttered some strange, strange words as I was putting
Jacob to sleep (nursing, of course!): “If you want to nurse in the night, just
wake me up, ok?! Even if the baby is fast asleep!”<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-92128276855313406522014-08-05T22:42:00.001-05:002014-08-05T22:42:20.586-05:00Not Your Average Birth Conference<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipIWaM8LLUNuo0kN-SdEqqx8vk-bVhnQ7Z2OttvmjyQUdOUpnL_8N25G1BpmBoILRDFXAwjDHPEmOIwLTT3cqV4FQMxCpJ6fgsj0RdnccIYSHP-gdpjXBpxe24Rv6J5ZJGYz2aL3gOXcQ/s1600/10403282_10152175128176104_495920217792756767_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipIWaM8LLUNuo0kN-SdEqqx8vk-bVhnQ7Z2OttvmjyQUdOUpnL_8N25G1BpmBoILRDFXAwjDHPEmOIwLTT3cqV4FQMxCpJ6fgsj0RdnccIYSHP-gdpjXBpxe24Rv6J5ZJGYz2aL3gOXcQ/s1600/10403282_10152175128176104_495920217792756767_n.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Speaking at YoniFest to a tent full of midwives and doulas!</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">This past
weekend my family and I attended <a href="http://yonifest.org/english/" target="_blank">YoniFest, a wildly successful birth conferencein beautiful rural Quebec</a>. This was the first ever YoniFest, but I’m sure it
will not be the last. Every aspect of the festival came off without a hitch. I
was invited there to speak about trans* pregnancy, birth, and infant feeding.
The conference organizers were clear from the beginning that they wanted the
gathering to be welcoming and inclusive, and it truly was. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The day
before the opening ceremony, the person who was in charge of interpreting the
proceedings into English approached me to talk about the best language to use –‘
parents’ as well as ‘moms,’ and ‘people’ in addition to ‘women’. At the
ceremony, my partner turned to me wide-eyed when he heard her say ‘parents’. We’d
never been included like that in a birthy setting before. There were beautiful
and empowering statements about the strength and oneness of women, as well as
plenty of space for our family and others to be celebrated, too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">On Friday I
presented a 15 minute personal talk on a panel alongside<a href="http://inamay.com/" target="_blank"> Ina May Gaskin</a>,
<a href="http://www.midwiferytoday.com/bio/biopop.asp?name=daviss" target="_blank">Betty-Anne Davis</a>, and <a href="http://www.thematrona.com/#!" target="_blank">Whapio Diane Bartlett</a>. I tried to give the attendees an
idea of what it is like to access health care when you are trans* and pregnant.
Everyone seemed absolutely ready to listen and learn, and I believe the message
got through. Many people thanked me afterwards, but one woman’s comments stand
out in particular. She said I “changed her world” – she used to be a
missionary and comes from a traditional background. She told me that the
discomfort she had previously around the concept of trans* pregnancy was erased.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">The
following day I gave a two hour workshop on how health care providers and birth
workers can assist trans* clients. Again, the response was awesome!
Participants asked important questions and we had a great discussion.
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Odent" target="_blank">Michel Odent made me super nervous </a>by sitting in for part of the session! Thankfully,
a dear friend provided a familiar smiling face near the front of the room. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">A few
conference participants mentioned to me that they have friends or friends of friends
that are trans* men who have given birth. I noted that one woman used the wrong
pronouns when she initially mentioned her trans* acquaintance to me (I inwardly
cringed but didn’t manage to say anything in the moment), but she used the
correct ones *after* she attended my workshop. She always knew what the right language
should be, and said as much to me, but somehow “got it” in a deeper way.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://ici.radio-canada.ca/regions/estrie/2014/08/03/002-festival-sages-femmes.shtml" target="_blank">CBCRadio-Canada came to do a piece on YoniFest</a> and asked to interview me, which
was fine, but also hilarious... The very first question for me: “Do you know
what you’re having?” (Meaning, does baby have a penis or a vagina?) I explained
to the interviewer that I had opened my talk the previous day by discussing this
exact question. She smiled and seemed to think that was nice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Workshop
highlights for me included learning from <a href="http://works.bepress.com/kathleen_fahy/" target="_blank">Kathleen Fahy of Australia</a> about
postpartum hemorrhage (active vs. physiological management of the 3<sup>rd</sup>
and 4<sup>th</sup> stages of labour) and Whapio Diane Bartlett on the holistic
stages of labour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Possibly the
most impressive sight of the whole weekend was all the partners racing around
watching kids so that others could attend workshops. As we attendees sat in
open tents, we saw families zooming by, dads running back to the car to get a
new pair of pants, down to the river to cool off, back to the hill to play soccer,
scooping up the toddler who fell on the play ramp, wearing baby on the back
while carrying toddler on the shoulders and holding hands with the
pre-schooler... Others volunteered at the daycare, and stayed there the whole
weekend instead of trading off so that the littles would have the best possible
continuity of care.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I can't wait for the next YoniFest! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span id="goog_583394618"></span><span id="goog_583394619"></span><br /></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7nwmkO_R-2a9YQCeNIijSmEvN7_hNllC-r8Rx3TKqFif3qXWHCPFdKWmZyPA6Y937cDKjLQ4fQKXQ-gJb0hKjeBr0I23TNDpsX8ZbL3GlEU3KiMgeNsYcEzmKFKIubt2JAaN2_HF3BtA/s1600/10580261_10152175128011104_8006236028037620435_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7nwmkO_R-2a9YQCeNIijSmEvN7_hNllC-r8Rx3TKqFif3qXWHCPFdKWmZyPA6Y937cDKjLQ4fQKXQ-gJb0hKjeBr0I23TNDpsX8ZbL3GlEU3KiMgeNsYcEzmKFKIubt2JAaN2_HF3BtA/s1600/10580261_10152175128011104_8006236028037620435_n.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Closing circle of Yonifest, and a shot of the kids' play structure.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-91150695343661459902014-07-24T18:03:00.001-05:002014-07-24T18:03:56.880-05:00Yonifest 2014!I'm thrilled that <a href="http://yonifest.org/english/" target="_blank">Yonifest</a> is nearly here! For those who don't know, it is a radical birth conference, taking place in a small town in the stunning Quebec countryside. I will be speaking, along with the likes of <a href="http://inamay.com/" target="_blank">Ina May Gaskin</a> and <a href="http://www.midwiferytoday.com/bio/default.asp?name=odent" target="_blank">Michel Odent</a>!<br />
<br />
I'm particularly excited to attend because I'm 27 weeks pregnant myself – perfect timing for me to be surrounded by birthy energy, take in new information and inspiration, share what I can, and then return home to focus on my own powerful journey. I haven't attended Yonifest before, but it seems to have a special community vibe. People camp in tents at the festival site, bringing their families along as they wish. <br />
<br />
The middle of a pregnancy is a significant time to lead a workshop for midwives, doulas and other birth workers. Much of what I share will stem from my personal experience as a trans guy about to have his second child. Like, how I had trouble <b>getting into</b> obstetrical triage at the hospital a few weeks ago when my midwife wanted me to have a particular issue looked at. Or the time when it took 20 minutes to convince the clerk at a medical supply store that I did, indeed, need compression stockings <b>for pregnancy.</b> <br />
<br />
In my workshop I'll be teaching participants how to communicate effectively with trans* clients and how to be a good ally. We'll talk about gender dysphoria and pregnancy, lactation after top surgery, and inducing lactation in trans* women, among other topics.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: red;">Workshop date and time: SATURDAY, AUGUST 2nd, 3:30pm. </span><br />
<br />
Looking forward to seeing some familiar faces and meeting new ones!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-80103476076355171172014-06-22T15:05:00.000-05:002014-06-22T15:05:39.306-05:00Call for Participants
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 22.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 22.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 22.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></b><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 22.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span></b><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 22.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">How
Can Lactation Consultants, </span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 22.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Midwives,
Nurses, & Physicians Support </span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: -18.0pt; margin-right: -18.0pt; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 22.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Transmasculine Individuals with Birthing
Care?</span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: -18.0pt; margin-right: -20.7pt; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: green; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 26.0pt; line-height: 150%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Do you self-identify as transmasculine?</span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: green; font-family: "Comic Sans MS"; font-size: 22.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US;">Have you been pregnant, given birth, breastfed or
chestfed your baby?</span></b></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">We are
Researching Transmasculine Individuals' Experiences with Pregnancy, Birthing,
and </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #0000a8; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Feeding
their Newborns</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #c00000; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">If you
are interested in more information </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #c00000; font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 20.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">or if
you would like to participate:</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Please contact
Joy.Noel-Weiss@uottawa.ca or </span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Trevor MacDonald - tmacdon3@uottawa.ca
</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 18.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Please note:<span style="color: #c00000;"> This study is in English only</span></span> <span lang="EN-GB"></span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: -27.0pt; margin-right: -27.0pt; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: -27.0pt; margin-right: -27.0pt; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">This study has been
funded through the CIHR Institute of Gender and Health</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm; margin-left: -27.0pt; margin-right: -27.0pt; margin-top: 0cm; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm -27pt 0.0001pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> <span style="font-size: small;">M</span></span>
</div>
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<span lang="EN-CA" style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">I am
the research coordinator for this study titled, "Transmasculine
Individuals' Experiences with Pregnancy, Birthing, and Feeding Their
Newborns:
A Qualitative Study". The researchers are Joy Noel-Weiss and Michelle
Walks. The study has ethics approval from the University of Ottawa
Ethics Review
Board. I have been involved in designing the research study, and I am
conducting
participant interviews. I will work with Joy and Michelle to analyze the
data
and write the final papers that we will publish. Our research team also
includes lactation consultants, MaryLynne Biener and Diana West, and
midwife, Alanna Kibbe, each of whom have experience working with trans*
clients. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">We are trying to understand
what works and what does not work - especially how nurses, physicians,
midwives, and lactation consultants can better help transmasculine individuals.
Your participation would involve 2-3 interviews – one or two to tell your story
and then a final interview later to confirm the findings. The study will be
only conducted in English. Participants will remain anonymous in all published
material. If you are interested in more information or would like to join the
study, please email me at tmacdon3@uottawa.ca, reply in this thread, or send me
a private message.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">Anyone who self-identifies
as transmasculine and has experienced or is currently experiencing pregnancy
and birth is eligible to be involved in this study. There is no requirement
regarding transitioning or method of infant feeding. Transmasculine individuals
who planned their transitions after pregnancy and birth, as well as those
individuals who transitioned before pregnancy and birth, are eligible to
participate.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">Please feel free to share
this post with anyone who you believe may be interested.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">Sincerely,</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-font-family: SimSun; mso-fareast-language: ZH-CN;">Trevor</span><span lang="EN-CA" style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<span lang="EN-CA" style="color: black; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">This study has been funded through the CIHR Institute of Gender and
Health</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm -27pt 0.0001pt; text-align: left;">
<span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt;"></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Century Gothic"; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"></span><span lang="EN-GB" style="font-size: 12.0pt;"></span>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com26tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-40103670225309024912014-04-22T21:06:00.002-05:002014-04-22T21:06:22.930-05:00La Leche League Will Allow Male Leaders!La Leche League International has published a clear, proud press release stating that men who meet the necessary qualifications may apply to be Leaders. <b>Men are now eligible to apply. </b><br />
<br />
From the press release: <i>As an organization dedicated to helping babies breastfeed, the expanded
eligibility criteria demonstrates La Leche League International’s
commitment to assisting even more parents breastfeed their babies.</i><br />
<br />
YES!!! Thank you La Leche League!<br />
<i> </i><br />
<a href="http://www.llli.org/llli_updates_breastfeeding_counsellor_eligibility_criteria_21_april_2014" target="_blank">Read the whole press release here.</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-54982917800445947242014-04-21T10:02:00.002-05:002014-04-21T10:02:57.080-05:00Happy News From La Leche League on Leader Eligibility<div class="MsoNormal">
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I think? Maybe? The title of this post might better read,
“Unclear News From La Leche League, but it’s an Update of Some Sort.”
</div>
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La Leche League Canada has published a media statement about
<b>a change in leader eligibility</b>. Exactly what the change is, we don’t know. The
press release states that LLLC’s new approach has come as a direct result of an
update from La Leche League International, LLLC’s governing body. From LLLC’s
statement:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
recent weeks the La Leche League International Board of Directors has updated
their internal Policies regarding eligibility to apply for leadership to be
consistent with their Bylaws Preamble: “LLLI is a worldwide, educational,
nonsectarian, nondiscriminatory service organization which has been
incorporated in Illinois as a general not-for-profit corporation.” LLL Leaders
have breastfed a baby for at least nine months and have demonstrated a
commitment to the philosophy of La Leche League.</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So, this is vague, as it doesn’t explain
what the update in policy actually is, but there are a few items of note. We
know they probably didn’t update leader eligibility policies to be consistent
with being “worldwide” or “educational”: the organization has met both of those
ideals for decades. I’m also quite sure you could argue it has always been
nonsectarian. Therefore, I’m going to guess that the update in policy has to do
with <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">nondiscrimination. </b>I’m hoping
that it has to do with gender, and that it means that an individual of any gender can
now apply to be a La Leche League Leader if they meet the necessary
qualifications. <a href="http://www.lllc.ca/sites/lllc.ca/files/DearFriends.pdf" target="_blank">(get caught up by reading LLLC's previous media release about the eligibility of transgender applicants)</a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The next sentence is very, very
special: “LLL Leaders have breastfed a baby for at least nine months and have
demonstrated a commitment to the philosophy of La Leche League.” Gendered terms
such as <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">woman</b> and <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">mother</b> are nowhere to be found. If
you’ve spent any time on LLL web sites or working with LLL, you will know that
this is rare, and very probably done on purpose. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At the end of its press release, LLLC
states that it has updated its own policies to be consistent with LLLI’s
recently made change, and to be “<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">in
keeping with the Canadian Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms and the Canadian
Human Rights Act</b>.” It is still not affirmed specifically that people who do not identify as women may apply
to be Leaders, but I’m going to hope that this is (at least part of?) what they
mean!</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I was unable to find a related press
release on LLL International’s site.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">YAY, La Leche League!!! (I think)</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><a href="https://www.lllc.ca/sites/lllc.ca/files/Eligibility_to_apply_for_LLL_leadership.pdf" target="_blank">Visit LLLC’s web site to read the statement in its entirety.</a> </span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-80946920071919437982014-01-01T23:44:00.000-06:002014-01-01T23:44:16.157-06:00Resolution: Tackle Inner Transphobia
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<div class="MsoNormal">
The hardest part about nursing my child as a trans person is
that doing so forces me to come out to anyone who sees it happening.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I nurse in public, people come up to me
and ask what I’m doing. I guess they think that because I’m doing it where they
can see it, this means that I am willing and available for questioning. It
doesn’t occur to them that Jacob and I are nursing because we need to, because
he has hurt himself or is very tired and I need to calm him down. If I nurse in
front of a guest in my home, I feel obligated to explain a bit of our
backstory.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those of you who follow me on Facebook might have noticed
that I’m rather dog-obsessed these days. We have a rowdy ten-month-old puppy
that was having major behavior problems until he recently was diagnosed with a
thyroid condition. I hired a professional trainer to come to our home and work
with us. Of course, she could only come during Jacob’s usual nap-time, when he
nurses a fair bit. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The trainer began her evaluation and then Jacob woke up
crying. I brought him into the living room, and as I sat down to nurse him, I
said something horribly awkward like, “Uh, we’re a bit of an unusual family.
Ummm… I’m transgender. I was born female but took testosterone. Anyway, so I
birthed him myself and I still nurse him.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The trainer was wonderful about it. She said, “Oh, that’s
fine. Now I want to show you how to teach Tadoo to accept a muzzle.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, I found this trainer difficult for unrelated
reasons, and located another one who was a better match for us in terms of our doggy
issues. She, too, was only able to work with us at a time when Jacob was
exhausted and badly needed to nurse. I could choose to either nurse him, or not
hear a word the trainer was saying to us due to continuous crying. I said another explanatory spiel and started to nurse him in front of her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The trainer said, “Oh, I’ve seen <b>everything</b>, don’t
worry. I used to work as a nurse. A guy [sic] I used to work with was trans [a
trans woman].<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He [sic] and I got along
really well.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then came the questions.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“How much milk do you make?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fairly innocuous. I didn’t mind to answer that. I explained
that since I had chest surgery, I don’t have a full supply.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Oh! I thought you’d gone the other way. I don’t know as
much about female to male.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then she said something like, “When are you going to go all
the way?” or maybe it was, “when are you going to complete your transition?”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ian, my partner, told her that bottom surgery wouldn’t be
very good for our hopes of having another child. I mumbled something about the
risks of such a major surgery and then tried to get her back onto the topic of
dog training. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was so much in what she’d said that made me
uncomfortable. I personally knew the woman that she had worked with, and I knew
she would be horrified at the trainer’s use of male pronouns for her. Further, I don’t
think of my transition as incomplete, but there would be no way to explain that
in brief to someone who believes that gender is firmly binary.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There was something eerily familiar to me about her
questioning. After her visit I remembered that medical professionals have asked
me those sorts of questions, and she was indeed a retired nurse. In a clinical
setting such questions are difficult because I can’t tell whether the
practitioner needs to know the answers to take care of my health concerns, or
if they are simply being curious (and inappropriate). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I feel like I am supposed to respond fully.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Why did I feel that I <b>had</b> to tell my dog trainer I am
trans before nursing my child in front of her? It certainly doesn’t help
normalize what I’m doing. If it is normal, then why do I need to explain it? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Coming out to her started a conversation that I didn’t want
to have and led to her asking questions that made me uncomfortable. My
intention was to share this as one piece of information and to get it out of
the way, but that was not what happened. That said, I don’t believe that coming
out to someone should give that person a right to ask intrusive questions. If a
new acquaintance tells me, for instance, that she is a single mother, I do not
respond by asking her, “What happened to your husband? Did he pass away, or did
he leave you, or did you split up?” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My New Year’s Resolution: I am going to stop doing
preemptive explaining in this sort of situation. I am going to do what I need
to do, what is best for my child, and if someone is curious or confused about
it, I will hand them a card with my blog on it, where I have laid everything
out. I want to be an advocate and an educator, but I don’t need to continually
open myself up to personal questioning in my day-to-day life. I will be brave
and strong, and I will let go of my inner transphobia, embracing my own
normalcy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The trainer was excellent with our dog, by the way, and we
have been making great progress.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3381166349381237047.post-91100183686594239452013-12-06T16:17:00.004-06:002013-12-06T16:17:33.829-06:00A Transgender Patient in the ER: 12 Hours
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
try to keep this blog as positive as I can, because I feel that this is the
best way to move forward to greater understanding and tolerance in general. By
nature I am an optimistic person and I prefer to highlight what is going well.
Yet life is not always rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes we must tell our
sorrowful stories in addition to those of gratitude and joy.</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Trigger
warning: This post is about a pregnancy loss.</span></b><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
got our positive pregnancy test on Thanksgiving Sunday (Canadian). We had been
in our new home just a few weeks at that point, and decided it was meant to be.
We moved to this beautiful forested property with a cute red barn, and of
course we were newly pregnant!</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
told some family and close friends. I had a little nausea but nothing as bad as
with our first. Now I remember reading a few years ago that the more sick you
feel, the less likely you are to miscarry. Vomiting is a particularly good
sign.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Last
week we had our first meeting with our midwife, at around 10 weeks’ gestation,
and discussed having a home birth outside the city limits. We talked about the
logistics of a potential hospital transfer as well as how quickly the midwife
could get from her home to ours. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
told her that in terms of care, the biggest deal for me is pelvic exams and how
much I hate them. I don’t think anybody enjoys them, but for a lot of trans
people they are particularly excruciating. The midwife accepted this well and
said that only under rare circumstances would she really insist on doing one – if
there was a huge amount of bleeding or if the baby’s heart rate suddenly
tanked. That sounded fine by me. We left the appointment feeling happy. The
pregnancy seemed much more real, and we told more family and friends.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A
few evenings later I noticed some light bleeding. It wasn’t much, but I had
been feeling poorly all day and wanted to go to the hospital. I just really
wanted to go. We didn’t yet have our midwife’s pager number, so I wasn’t able
to talk to her about what I should do. I drove myself into town and left Ian
and Jacob on their own for the first time overnight. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
intake nurse asked me what was going on. Here. We. Go. “I am transgender. I was
born female and transitioned to male.” I paused and looked at her. “Is that ok?
Do you understand that?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">She
nodded. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
once saw a walk-in clinic doctor about a urinary tract infection and
erroneously assumed that he knew what ‘transgender’ meant. Then I realized part
way through the visit that he was utterly confused about what I have ‘down there’.
Ever since, I’ve spoken more slowly and spelled out my situation clearly. I
always stop for a moment and give the care provider time to absorb what I’ve
said. Then I ask as gently as I can if they are ok and if they know what I’m
talking about. I try to leave space for the person to admit that they don’t
have a clue. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
told the intake nurse that I was pregnant, experiencing bleeding and feeling
unwell. She gave me a paper wrist bracelet and told me to wait.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">After
a couple of hours, I got moved to an exam room, where I waited another three
hours without speaking to anyone. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A
nurse came in and asked why I was at the hospital. I started again from the
beginning – transgender, born female, pregnant, 10 weeks, light bleeding, one
previous healthy pregnancy, no testosterone for years. She said a doctor would
see me in a while.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Another
nurse came in later to check my vitals. She, too, asked why I was in the
hospital. I went through the same spiel, and she, like the others, was
professional and respectful. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A
student doctor came in and asked what was going on. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Ummm…
Do you know the background at all?” <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Did I
really have to come out as transgender to each of these people, one at a time?</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Well,
yes, I do know the backstory a bit.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“So,
you know I’m transgender?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Yes.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Are
you ok with that?” I asked him.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Yes.
I did a bit of research, but I think I am caught up.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Cool! He looked in the chart
ahead of time, realized he was unfamiliar with transgender folks, and decided
to look us up. Then, within a few minutes of doing some reading, he was able to
use the correct pronouns and have a frank discussion about my medical problem.
THANK YOU, whoever you are. YOU will be an awesome doctor when you are all
grown up.</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
asked me lots of questions, including checking several times that I had not
been taking testosterone recently. I confirmed that I haven’t taken T since
well before conceiving my toddler.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
asked if I’d had any surgery, so I told him about my top surgery from a few
years ago. He seemed genuinely interested to learn what that was all about –
what the procedure was like and how it differs from a double mastectomy. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Have
you had anything done on the… bottom? Anything that we should know about?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“No.”
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thank you</i> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">for asking politely rather than making assumptions because you find
this embarrassing to talk about.</i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
teaching doctor came in and said something like, “So I understand you are
pregnant.” </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thank you for signaling to me
that I don’t have to start by discussing my genitals at birth with you. </span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
talked about what was going on, and the doctor said he would order an
ultrasound. He thought everything was probably fine given it was very little
bleeding, but he wanted to be sure. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
was moved to a waiting area in the hallway near the nurses’ station. I saw a
doctor arrive in his coat and scarf, coffee in hand. He was wearing a pair of
black Blundstones, the same kind of boots that I use for riding horses. They
seemed incongruous to me in a hospital, but I suppose they must be much more
comfortable than traditional dress shoes. Another doctor asked him how he was,
and he replied that he'd spent two hours cleaning up vomit in the middle of the
night – his kid had been sick. Still, he and the new nurses coming in for the
day looked much more cheery than the night shift had.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> The
student doctor came up to me and said that
they would be discussing my case with the next set of doctors coming in. “So
you might hear us talking about you.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
watched and listened to it all. Not a single wrong pronoun, no poorly-covered
laughs, no unnecessary discussion of my body or my transition. In comparison,
the last time I had to go to the hospital for something, I heard the doctors
and nurses laughing about me in the hallway, not even trying to be discreet. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
doctor in the Blundstones sat down next to me and said I would need a Winrow
shot because my blood type is Rh negative and I’d had some bleeding. “It will
not only protect this pregnancy, but all future pregnancies as well.”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Thank you for understanding that
this pregnancy was planned and wanted. Thank you for accepting that I deserve
the right to have children as much as anyone else.</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
called Ian. I was anxious to hear how he and Jacob did overnight. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“We
saw FOX!” Jacob said over the phone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Jacob
had been very brave and did not cry at all, even though he woke up in the
middle of the night a few hours after I left. He also did not want to lie down
in bed. Ian held him for the rest of the night in the rocking chair by our
front window. At one point Ian looked out and saw a fox standing there, very
near the house. He woke Jacob so that he could see it, too.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
was relieved to hear Jacob sounding so happy. I said I would call back when I
had some information.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Finally
they were ready for me to have the ultrasound. The technician put goo on my
belly and started taking pictures. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Are
you sure the baby isn’t 5 weeks instead of 10?”</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
knew this was bad. I was sure about our dates. He wasn’t finding a 10-week-old
fetus.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
said we needed to do a vaginal ultrasound. I told him I was not so comfortable
with that procedure. He said he didn’t like doing them either but it was
important to find out what was going on with the baby, and he couldn’t get a
good enough picture otherwise. He asked if it would help to have another person
in the room, male or female. I said no. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Thank
you for asking. Thank you for considering it from my perspective, and helping
me make my own choice. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It
wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be, except for that the room was
very cold for someone wearing a paper gown. The technician said that I should
go and talk to the emergency room doctor, who would get the ultrasound pictures
soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A
half hour later, the Blundstone doctor told me, “I don’t have all the pictures
yet on the computer, but I can see what they wrote on the file. It looks like a
healthy 6 week fetus. You probably just have the dates wrong. It happens all
the time.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
had trouble holding back tears. “I don’t see how I could have the dates wrong.
We were trying for this, so it’s not like I wasn’t paying attention. I don’t
see how this is possible.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
doctor said he would wait for the images to be on his computer, and he would
look closely at them. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Another
30 minutes later he took me aside to a separate room. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You
were right about the dates. The fetus stopped growing at 6 weeks. I’m so sorry.
We almost never know why this happens. I’m going to call for an OBGYN consult.
This happened 4 weeks ago but you have only had very light bleeding. Have you
heard of a D&C before?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
had. Vaguely. “I’ve heard it is really unpleasant.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Yeah.
I’m sorry. There might be an alternative. There’s a medication you might be
able to take instead. It depends on certain factors. We’ll see what the OBGYN
recommends.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
called Ian and told him. I felt like I was stabbing him, giving him such
painful news. I’ve never heard his voice sound so broken the way it did that
day. He and Jacob got picked up by a friend and came to the hospital while I waited
for the OBGYN.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
doctor and student who came to talk to me were profoundly sympathetic and kind.
They discussed the risks and benefits of both the D&C and taking the
medication, and left the choice up to me. I chose the medication. Jacob and Ian
came in and I got some amazing, big hugs. Jacob nursed a ton while the various
doctors and nurses gave him adoring looks.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
doctor said, “We usually give this medication as a vaginal injection, but we
looked it up and found that you can also take it in pill form. So we can give
you a prescription for it and you can take it at home when you are ready.”</span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wow. They get it. I don’t have to
say anything. YES, a trans guy will likely prefer a pill. Why that isn’t
normally available for cis women as well, I have no idea. I am only grateful on
this day.</span></i><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">They
told me what to expect and how to contact them if I had any questions. On my
way out I thanked every nurse and doctor I saw. I caught Dr. Blundstone in
between tasks and I said, “Every single person here has been so respectful and
understanding. I really appreciate it. I’ve had some pretty bad experiences in
the past…”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“You
will have them again. You know that. But I’m glad that people were good this
time. I think things are changing. We are getting much more education about
trans health care in med school and it is making such a difference.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Ian,
Jacob and I ate sushi with our friend and her son in the hospital lobby. We
picked up the prescription and some heavy pads and then went home. I was
exhausted from staying overnight in the hospital and decided to wait until the
following day to take the medication. That was another process to go through.
We all needed to rest and have time together first. We had to somehow catch up
to the realization that for the past four weeks, while we were planning and
dreaming about a new family member, our baby was already gone.</span></div>
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